I am in a state of deep mourning. I lost something very dear to me. Something I fear I will never find again, even with a lifetime of training. I feel lost. I feel alone. I feel deep regret.
I lost my alcohol tolerance.
That's right folks. I was in the best drinking shape of my life before taking that vacation to Iraq for 12 months. I was a champion, a master of my craft. I could have gone places and been someone, you know? But it's gone now. I'm starting at square one.
It's scary to start over. I feel like I might accidentally be that girl who gets too drunk too fast and makes an ass out of herself. An amateur. I prefer to make an ass out of myself after having an outrageous amount of booze so people are more understanding of my situation. "Oh, she's flashing the bartender because she's had 17 shots of Jack Daniels," is way more hard core than, "Holy crap, she's only had 2 beers and she's puking in the street."
Last night I got pretty tossed off of 3 Long Island Iced Teas. I didn't puke in the street or show my boobs to strangers. I wasn't that wrecked. But I wasn't at a level I was comfortable with, either. I've got to find my alcohol tolerance and self respect! ASAP.
I was at the pinnacle of my drinking shape when a male friend said to me, in a Belfast bar, "I've never seen a woman drink Guinness like YOU drink Guinness..." (You have to hear it said in that completely impenetrable accent Brad Pitt had in 'Snatch'.)
ReplyDeleteSad to say, those days are over. No more tequila-fueled Trivial Pursuit wins, no more perfect pitch karaoke; not only because I can't tolerate it like I used to, but it gives me HEARTBURN. Nothing reminds you you aren't young anymore like asking yourself "Is this drink worth the suffering?" then scratching through your purse for Prilosec before you decide.