Viva Los Tacos

Today was tattoo day! I got off work early and James and I went to Nashville to see our tattoo buddy Matt. He blocked off his day for us so we could both get some work done. And I might have gotten the raddest tattoo ever today. EVER.

He's amazing. Viva Los Tacos!

Any one who knows me even a little bit knows my love for Mexican food-- especially tacos. So what better to get than a jalapeno wielding tacos? I couldn't think of anything better either. 

This tattoo is on my left arm just under my armpit. The skin is really soft and tender there. I managed to bruise all the way around the tattoo. My arm is also really swollen in this picture. It sort of makes me looked ripped, but it also borderlines looking really flabby and fat. So I thought I'd throw it out there that I am, in fact, swollen. And neither of the other two.

Bitch skin can't handle tattooing for 2 hours!

I love this tattoo. I'm pretty sure the jalapeno needs a name. And I still have plenty more space on the my arm to get more Mexican inspired tattoos. I just need to get a move on it before we PCS!

RBF

All my life I have heard, "I didn't like you until I got to know you," or, "I thought you were a bitch when we first met." Almost everyone I've ever met has said something along those lines to me. 

I'm an observer. When I'm with new people I usually sit back for a while and watch so I can get a good feeling of the kinds of people I am dealing with. If I busted out as Weird Outspoken Jackie right from the jump, I'd either hurt feelings or put my foot in my mouth and embarrass myself. So I tend to learn whats kosher before I open up and act like myself.

Unfortunately, I have a condition called Resting Bitch Face, or RBF, that makes me look like a total condescending bitch while I am observing. I might not even be thinking anything bitchy, but my face... my face just screams otherwise. 

While my mom and dad were visiting for Christmas, my mom gave me an old photo of myself at a yard sale:

My RBF game was strong even as a little girl! 

I've been nicknamed RBF at my current job. Everyone said they weren't sure about me when I first started working there because of my face and silence. I'm no longer silent-- they get all my weirdness on full. But my face remains the same. I'll have to show everyone this photo so they can see that it's just how my face looks and has always looked. 

It's a serious condition I can't control!

Christmas Tree

We put up our Christmas tree on Thanksgiving. I know. I know. Normally I wouldn't do such a thing. A clear division of holidays is something I normally like. But I got a new tree this year. It's my first fake tree (I think... did I have a fake one when I lived in Washington? I don't recall...). I got a tall, skinny, trendy tree. 

I love my tree. It's pre-lit. So I didn't have to screw around with strands of lights. The best part of it being pre-lit is that is hasn't lit my house on fire yet. I haven't unplugged the tree since I first plugged it in on Thanksgiving. The bulbs aren't even a little warm. So three cheers for not burning down my house, new Christmas tree.

I also got a Fort Campbell ornament this year. I thought it was really cute. And now I wish I had one from the other two bases I've been stationed: Fort Lewis and Fort Bragg. I'm sure the good old internet can remedy that. 

The dogs have been good and left the tree alone, to include all the gifts that are piled up underneath. 

Only 6 more days until Christmas. 

My Family

Gertie loves her Daddy.

Picasso lives for his Momma.

For whatever reason the stereo type of Momma's Boys and Daddy's Girls rings true even with dogs. Love my family.

Xmas Decorations

I don't usually get too excited about Xmas. I don't usually decorate too much. But this year, I can't wait to put up my tree and get lights on the front porch. I know, Thanksgiving has yet to pass. And James' words of wisdom that we need to celebrate one holiday at a time have made me refrain from putting up the tree (which is new and pre-lit and I can't wait to see it).

While James was at work today I cheated a little bit and put up lights on our front porch. I couldn't help myself. While I was at Wal-Mart earlier today I saw a light up raccoon and it spoke to me. Not literally, of course. But I couldn't say no to the weirdness of a light up raccoon wearing a Santa hat. I didn't have a choice really. I had to put it up today.

So this is my weird raccoon:

With the flash on, you can see my weird metal french bulldog that is always on the front porch regardless of season:

I think I'm going to get the metal frenchie a Santa hat to wear. Just to add to the weirdness that is my front porch. The day after Thanksgiving, my Xmas tree is going up. #sorrynotsorry  

Military Ball

My unit had it's annual Military Ball yesterday evening. Yes, that made the Ball on a Thursday. Attendance at the Ball earned you a day off the next day. But I don't work for the unit-- I am borrowed military manpower (BMM) and they still had daily operations to conduct on Friday. No biggie. I asked for a late start (0900) so I could try to sleep off the copious amount of booze I knew I would consume at the Ball.

And I did not disappoint. 

I am glad that we took our photo before I got completely hammered. But I wish someone would have told me I looks 105 years old with my shawl on. I would have removed it for the photo. Since no one informed me, I absolutely hate the photo and I won't make the Internet look at it. 

Look at this instead!

Completely hammered I did get though. I made it through the receiving line to greet my Battalion Commander and Battalion Command Sergeant Major sober enough. The grog ceremony was memorable. But after I drank the grog, it was all down hill. I sort of recall dinner. James had ham on his plate and the mashed potatoes were off the hook. That's really all I can say about dinner. 

Me and my battle, Tracy

We had to leave before 2130 (9:30 pm). I told James it was time to go because it was time to vomit and I did not want to vomit at the event venue in a $200 dress. I would much prefer to vomit in the privacy of my own home in Nike shorts and a hoodie. Which is exactly what I did. Oh there was so much vomiting, 

And so much working the next day. 0900 was not late enough. I was pretty much worthless at work today. The Ball was fun though (from my booze hazed recollection). 

Fall Doggie Photo Shoot

I got out the good camera today and tried to take pictures of the frenchies. Picasso is more cooperative all around when it comes to things like this. He doesn't mind wearing ridiculous sweaters, and he has no problem standing somewhere and looking thoughtfully off into the distance. Gertie, on the other hand, was embarrassed to wear her sweater and just wanted to eat grass. 

Out of the 85 pictures I took, here are a few winners:

Maybe we will try again at Christmas....  

Run Trail

I took a 4 and a half mile run through the rain this morning on a trail through Fort Campbell that I have never explored before. It was really pretty, and there were a lot of rolling hills which made the run more challenging. 

Campbell has made a lot of improvements to running trails over the last year. There are more than when I first PCS'd here. They have been blacktopped, mile marker posts placed every quarter mile, benches and picnic tables are scattered around. There are dog clean up stations where you can get baggies in case your dog poos on the route. And garbage cans so you don't have to carry poo around with you. They even put in parking lots near "start points" on the trails so you have a reasonable place to leave your vehicle. 

I saw a bunch of deer in the woods today. Most of the Campbell deer give zero shits that you are there. They know when they are on main post, no one is going to shoot them. Smart little guys. 

I wish the trails had been like this sooner. I hope Fort Wainwright has a similar trail system set up for me to utilize in weather that doesn't include feet of snow. 

32!

Earlier this month I turned 32 years old (happy birthday to me). 32 is a most glorious age for me. I entered a new age bracket on the Army Physical Fitness Test. Now that I am in the 32-36 age group, the standard to achieve 100% in all three events has dropped significantly. This means, by not improving my physical capability at all, I will score higher on the test. What's not to like about that?

I took my Fall PT test this morning.

Although I actually did 3 fewer push-ups and 3 fewer sit-ups than my last PT test in May, I scored higher. Ahh, the glory of getting older. Seriously, who wouldn't love this!?

Unfortunately, I was shooting to score at least 90% in each event. I've never done that before. I though I would this time due to my old age. But those push-ups! 88% was all I could muster this morning. 2 push-ups. 2 measly stupid push-ups and I would have scored 90%! Grrr! 

I suppose I could retake it. A more likely scenario is I will bitch about it for 6 months and then when I take the Spring PT test, I will put more effort forward to prepare myself. 

Yay, 32!

Hard Work, Work

The facility I work at on Fort Campbell does not employ Privates. In fact, we don't have any E-4 and below at all. Everyone is an NCO or a contracted civilian. In the absence of Privates, I have relived many of my extra duty days doing tasks a Staff Sergeant doesn't usually do anymore. 

I have never pushed a lawn mower more in my Army career than I have over the last summer. It's so ridiculously hot here in the summer: not ideal forced lawn care weather. I have scrubbed more toilets and taken more trash bags to the dumpster than I can recall. Sweeping, mopping... you name it, I'm doing it. 

Today's big task: police call.

I found something's skull during the police call.

I have nearly 10 years in the Army and have had one field grade article 15 but I have yet to learn how to run a buffer and buff a floor. This is a point of pride for me. The way things are looking around here, though, I could be learning this valuable Army skill soon.

Its a bit humbling doing all this work that is generally reserved for Army Privates. We have a good crew out here, and we take it in stride. But I won't be really sad when I go back to a supervisory role.

New Hobby

I realized the other day that I don't have any hobbies. 

I mean, I read. I read a lot. But since I started going back to school, I haven't picked up a book for leisure. (That kind of makes me sad now that I think of it.) The only thing I do on the weekends for fun is road march 6 miles with my friend Tracy. That's actually not something that falls into the "fun" category. I have not been drinking nearly as much as I used to because my hang overs are EPIC. So I don't have that hobby anymore... 

I need a new hobby.

I knew how to crochet when I was younger. But after years of not doing it, I completely forgot how. I figured it might be a handy skill to have since I will be PCSing to Alaska next year. So I had good old YouTube reteach me. 

Right now my skill level is strictly scarf making. I figure if I get good at it again and learn a bunch of different stitches I can make afghans. And if I get really good, I can learn to make dog sweaters, which lets face it, that's the dream. I want the frenchies to be very fashion forward. Its hard to look good in cold weather.

It's good to have a hobby. Now I just have to get really good at it. I have a year to prepare before the dogs need sweaters.

This Face

I just had to share a picture of this face.

Derp.

Gertie's got to be the cutest dog in the world. She sits on the spare bed beside my desk and watches me do homework. It's so cute, annoying at times, but cute. She gets impatient that I'm staring at the computer screen instead of sitting with her. 

Ditch

I undertook a huge landscaping job in September. It took me the whole month to do it. I'm actually still not 100% done with it. 

We have a ditch that runs between my backyard and the neighbor's. It's the neighborhood water run off. The unfortunate part about it is that the actual drain for all the water to flow into is in my other neighbor's yard. So whenever it rains, all the water sits on top of our grass and eventually crosses our entire back yard to empty into the neighbor's drain. The ground is mostly clay so the water doesn't soak into the ground. Basically, when it rains I have lake front property. 

So my yard doesn't erode away around the ditch, I let all kinds of weeds and crap grow in the ditch. Tall, controlled weeds with deep roots to keep all the land together. It didn't look bad. At least, I didn't think so. But my neighbors whom I share the ditch with apparently thought it was an eyesore through their privacy fence that they can't see the ditch through. So they went out there and hacked it all down and killed everything. 

Now its an eyesore. So I undertook the job of ripping out all the weeds, vines, tree stumps and bullshit from the root to clear the entire ditch. Just pulling the weeds took me three weeks. The rest of the time I've spent rearranging the rocks in the ditch so they do their job. They were strewn around all willy-nilly in the ditch before and were not doing anything at all. Now they help filter the water coming off the street. 

I basically reinvented the functionality of the ditch. I made it a lot smaller by consolidating the rocks. I laid grass seed. I still have a lot of work to do-- more rocks need to be moved and I need to acquire some rocks as well. Next spring I will need to saturate the rocks and nearby land with Round Up 365 to keep it from growing weeds again. The rest of it should become grass and we will be able to mow it like the rest of the yard.

And when the frenchie keeping in fence goes up, my backyard will look like it should have the whole time we lived here but were too broke or lazy to do it. 

Really Big Spider

I work in the back 40 of Fort Campbell in a building that is less than bug proof. Especially now that the weather is getting cooler, the creepy crawlers of Fort Campbell are looking for a warm place to chill. It's normal to find a lot of beetles running around. But lately we have been finding spiders. 

Really. Big. Spiders. 

Our receptionist really hates bugs. Especially really big spiders. So what do the guys at work do to torment her? They catch said really big spiders in plastic baggies and put them in her desk drawer. She loses her shit and the guys love it. 

I took one of the spider baggies outside and released the spider. The guys were going to kill it but the thought of the guts and goo that would be in the bag grossed me out more than the spider itself. The spider went back into the wilderness to become a spider king among lesser spiders. Of course, he will probably get back into our building looking to get warm and once again end up in a baggie. 

Look What We Caught

James set a small animal trap under our back deck a few days ago. Our intentions were to catch a couple of the neighborhood cats. I normally don't have problems with cats-- I actually like them, but these particular cats have to go. They are on some kind of turf war over my yard. They keep pooping everywhere to claim territory. 

Both of the frenchies are shit seeking missiles and eat said cat poop. Of course, the cat poop is never solid cat poop. It's cat explosive diarrhea. I'm constantly wiping cat shit off the dogs' faces. I love those dogs, but if I could not do that chore, that would be super. Hence, we set the traps to catch the cats. For relocation. I don't want to hurt them, I just want them to poop somewhere else. 

Anyway, backstory aside,  I peeked under the deck today while I was winding up the hose and I was surprised to see a little face looking back at me. For days the trap had been empty. But we caught something today. And that something was pissed. We caught a medium sized opossum.  

The opossum hissed at us the entire time we had it. It was a silent hiss, but I could see the hate in its eyes and I knew he was hissing. That's how pissed off this opossum was that he had been caught-- he couldn't even articulate it. He was probably minding is own business last night when he caught the whiff of days old salmon in the cage and thought to himself, "Wow, that smells delicious! I should enter this wire funnel to eat it." And BAM he was trapped. 

James took him over to a neighboring corn field and dropped him off. I didn't want to kill the little pissed off guy. It's not his fault he's really stupid and got caught. The trap is going back under the deck tonight with more cat enticing food inside it. I hope I don't catch more unwanted critters. 

On Assignment

After months and months of going back and forth with my branch manager and my retention NCO, I am very happy to report that I am finally on assignment. I actually got something that I wanted and wasn't stuck taking the lesser of evils.

I'm on assignment to go to Fort Wainwright, Alaska. My branch manager was able to slot me in MEDDAC. I've never worked MEDDAC before. The idea of doing something so outside of the realm of anything I've done before is a bit daunting. Some people love working in the hospital, and others really hate it. But I am excited. I'm excited to go somewhere I've never been and work a job I've never done.

My report date isn't until late 2016. December, actually. I'll try to request early report so I don't have to drive through Canada in the winter. I'm so excited! I will have to get snow boots for the Frenchies!

Alaska bound!

Graduation Is Set

I just applied for graduation. Graduation of what, you ask? Well, I decided to get me one of them college degrees. It's just an associates in Health Sciences. It's not fancy, and quite frankly, I got A LOT of credits given to me by my Army experiences. Since I've been in the Army nearly 10 years, I would hope some of that would be granted as credit. Nothing better than on the job training!

Any one who has asked me knows I never had plans of getting a degree of any kind. I'm not a book learnin' kind of gal. But now that I know I do not qualify for any special assignments in the Army, I need a degree to keep me competitive for promotion to Sergeant First Class.

Graduation is in February. Come March I will be back in school working towards that Bachelors in Public Health. Oh boy. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Long Hair

My hair is really super long. I mean, kinda ridiculously long. If I wore an unfashionable long jean skirt people would totally think I was a radical Christian woman. Good thing I'd never wear a jean skirt. All my tattoos wouldn't really support the radical Christian image either... what I'm saying is, my hair is long. My hair is long and I give bad analogies. 

I've cut it back a few times. Most recently, in November 2013, I cut nearly 10 inches off. I thought it would be helpful to have shorter hair when I deployed to Egypt. I hated it. I regretted it. I don't think it made anything easier, either. My remorse game was strong.

Almost 2 years later, I am starting to feel the itch to cut my hair shorter again. 

Why? 

Why do I want to do something again that I know I hated before? Well, I'm convinced it was the style that I hated and not the lack of length. I think if I didn't go layer crazy like I did 2 years ago, I would like it more. I don't want to cut it so short that I can't put it in a bun. The ability to have a work bun is important. 

I need a change. Someone talk me out of it if you think it will make me as unhappy has the 2013 hair chopping. 

DA Photo

So when you get promoted to Staff Sergeant, your orders tell you that you have to have a DA photo taken within 30 days. I was in Egypt when I got promoted, so I got a pass on the 30 days. But I should have taken the picture as soon as I got back. Well now it's been 17 months since I got promoted and I FINALLY got around to having the picture taken. 

A DA photo is a Department of the Army official photo. The DA Photo is used to quickly determine a Soldier’s professionalism and military bearing while conducting a promotion board or in a situation where the Solider is not physically present. This picture is supposed to represent how awesome I am without me being there to wow a crowd with my stunning personality. 

And to see if the Soldier is fat. I think that might be the reason the DA photo is most used. 

I had one of my best Army girlfriends help me put together my uniform the night before. If you've ever put all the badges and ribbons onto a female's uniform, you know how time consuming it can be. It's always best to have someone helping you. I think she did a fabulous job making sure my ribbons are placed exactly where they need to be. 

The photo process was quick and easy. And I think it turned out phenomenal. I don't know why I waited as long as I did. Actually, I do know why I waited. I wanted those Air Assault wings in my picture!

Picasso's Birthday!

Today was Picasso's birthday!

He's a grown up 5 years old now! It's hard to believe he's gotten so old! It seems like I just picked him up from Drain, Oregon when he cried the whole ride home. That drive sort of made me reconsider getting a puppy. I'm glad I didn't run away screaming, because he turned out to be my special little guy. Even if he does have a lot of social issues. 

Picasso had wet dog food for his birthday dinner. It was some awful chicken dish that also eerily reminded me of an MRE. (What the hell does the Army feed us!?) We took a long walk, where he peed on everything, as he usually does. There are a couple marigold plants in the neighborhood that I have no doubt belong to him.

Happy birthday, Picasso Destroyer of Worlds! My special, most favorite little boy!

Gertie's Birthday!

Happy birthday, Gertie! My little girl turned 1 year old today!

 

 

All day long I have been telling her she is a big girl now. Its time to cut out all the puppy crap. She has yet to take my advise/warning to heart since she ate cat diarrhea and vomited it in the house twice today. That is not big girl behavior.

 

Her birthday was uneventful. Which is fine, because she is a dog. It rained most of the day so we didn't get to go for a walk. But she did get wet dog food for dinner (yummy) and it smelled like a beef MRE (not so yummy). I also gave her a bright pink dog crate! I assume it's still politically correct to give gender associated toys and accessories to animals, right?

 

Happy birthday Gertrude The Impaler! Mommy loves you!

Batman

I have a new pet. Well, he's not really a pet, I guess. But he's a critter and he lives in my yard so I am taking ownership.

 

I have a bat! A little brown bat. He's taken up residency in the sycamore tree in the backyard. I noticed him for the first time yesterday. I was standing around under the tree waiting for Picasso to do his business. I looked up into the tree and there was a brown blob hanging from one of the branches. It looked like a kiwi. The fruit. I'm pretty confident sycamore trees don't produce kiwis, so the next logical explanation was that it was a little bat.

 

 

He wasn't doing anything but hanging upside down. It was dusk, so I was encouraging him to go fly around and eat bugs. He just kept sleeping. So I have a lazy bat. That's fitting. James poked him with a stick and he irrupted into frenzied flight. That didn't scare him off, though, because he's back in the sycamore tree again today. Hanging upside down, being lazy.

 

I'm going to call him Batman. I hope he sticks around because he's really cute.

Kitchen Back Splash

I am no professional. The combination of YouTube videos and my past experience remodeling a doll house, I managed to put up a new backsplash in the kitchen. By no means does it look like I paid someone to do it. But it looks a whole hell of a lot better than the crap I had on the wall before! 



 

 



 

The particle board fake blue tiles that were on the wall were so gross. I can't believe I lived with them as long as I did. It was extremely satisfying ripping it off the walls. It came off very easily, too, like it knew it was hideous and deserved to go into the garbage.

 

The grout job I did is a little sketchy because I let it harden too much before wiping the wall down. Now I know, lesson learned. Also, the tiles are a bit wonky around the switch plates. So I just won't look too closely at that. All and all, I am impressed with my $250 upgrade. My kitchen is a much prettier place.

 

And I feel like the awful blue countertops are a bit less hideous now.

2 Years

 

James and I had our 2 year wedding anniversary today. Although we haven't spent much of those 2 years physically together, or much of the 4 years we have been together total for that matter, it's been a good time. I love you, James.

No Jobs Means Home Improvements

I've been looking for a new job in the Army. It's harder than I thought it would be. When I was a little lower ranking it was easy. Everyone needs a medic; I could go virtually anywhere. But now I have to look for a specific slot to fill. Staff Sergeant medics aren't needed virtually everywhere since not as many are needed in units.

 

I'm also in my reenlistment window. So I've been harassing my retention NCO to help me find a job almost daily. I want to be on orders. But I do not want to be on orders to the places that are available right now. My choices include Fort Stewart, Georgia and Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. Korea isn't even available right now! And no one wants Korea! I'm holding out a while longer before I make a decision. Something decent has to show up on the availability list.

 

So in the mean time, I am going to be at Fort Campbell a bit longer and living in my house a bit longer. All the remodeling I have been doing to sell my house, is now going to be for me to enjoy. So I redid my hallway bathroom this weekend.

 

 

The popcorn ceilings came down in both bathrooms. Thank God, I HATE popcorn ceilings. I painted the newly flattened ceilings white. And then I completely overhauled the guest bathroom. My attempt to match the walls to the existing shower curtain was a complete success. I wasn't sure if I liked the brightness of the new color at first. Once I added all the bathroom accessories I knew I had made a good choice.

 

Gertie sat in the room and watched the whole thing. Under her watchful eye, I completed everything in just a few hours. I don't know what I would have done without her supervision.

 

Maybe the master bathroom (which is the size of a closet) will be next. I am about to go on leave for 3 weeks, so I can add another project to my list. The big project while I am on leave is to put up a backsplash in my kitchen. I've never done anything like it before, so wish me luck.

 

I need to find a job before I go broke remodeling.

Gertie is Cray-Cray

My dogs absolutely love me (I mean, who doesn't??). But their love and devotion goes a little too far. They end up fighting each other over who gets to love me the most. When I say fighting, I mean, knock down drag out, dirty fighting.

 

These jerks have caused each other many injuries to prove who loves me the most. Literally, Gertie has lost 2 teeth fighting Picasso.

 

How can a dog this sweet looking be so thug acting?

 

Gertie starts it. No doubt about it, she is the instigator. I don't know if it's because she's "new" and she feels like she's been shafted on the love Picasso got the first 4 years he was a single dog. Whatever her reasoning, she's super mean to him.

 

He puts up with a lot from her. Even when they play, she's mean to him. She's always biting his face and hanging off his loose face skin. She bites his legs and sometimes she even bites his little boy parts (because, hey, they're there?). Sometimes he does retaliate and start the fight. But I can't blame him when he does because he puts up with a lot of her shit.

 

But Gertie is just a little gangster. She's out for blood. Her lips are always covered in scabs from boxing with Picasso. She's so jealous of Picasso that he is afraid to sit in my lap because of the repercussions.

She's also bi-polar. After I tear them apart from a fight, she calms down, gets her shit together and then goes over to Picasso and licks his face. She's probably licking the blood off his face. Gertie is seriously crazy.

 

Don't even get me started of the strange things she "has ownership" of over Picasso. The garbage bag on its way out of the house-- that's hers. The open dishwasher-- that's hers. Groceries being put away-- those are hers too. Picasso will get jumped if he goes anywhere near those things.

 

String cheese is ALWAYS Gertie's.

 

She's just a little jelly thug and I am at my wits end trying to protect Picasso from her. She loves me, and its dangerous.

Air Assault!!

I did it!

 

I passed the Air Assault 20K (12 mile) road march this morning and am now an Air Assault badge holder.

I crossed the finish line at 2 hours and 51 minutes. I had an allowed time of 3 hours. When I crossed the class behind us was having formation and singing the Screaming Eagle Song. It was perfect timing and felt like something out of a movie.

I was so proud of myself this morning. I am a badge holder now. Never before have I been able to say that. In the years I have quested to earn the EFMB, that ridiculous 20K road march held me back and haunted me. But not today.

When I had the air assault wings pinned on my chest at the graduation ceremony I felt so proud of myself. I know many Soldiers don't feel like the air assault badge was difficult to earn. But for me, it most certainly was a challenge.

After the ceremony with my BN CDR, who was also in my class.

Never before have I been in good enough shape and strong enough to complete the Air Assault Obstacle Course. The 4 mile run in less than 36 minutes we conducted in 90 degree heat tested my will to finish. Going to the top of the 34 foot tower and repelling off 8 times tested my fear of heights and falling. And, finally, the 20K road march tested my endurance and heart to finish. Air Assault was not easy for me: and I completed it.

I fucking completed it.

 

AIR ASSAULT!

It's Too Freakin' Hot

I slept in today! It's Sunday and I slept in until 0800 and I didn't mean to. I know that doesn't sound like I slept in, but since it was forecasted to be approximately a billion degrees today, I wanted to get up early to walk the dogs. French Bulldogs literally melt and die in the heat. I wanted to beat the heat. I did not really beat the heat by waking up at 0800. I looked at weatherchannel.com just to be sure and this is what I saw:

 

 

Jesus.

 

It went on to say: "BE SURE TO PACE YOUR PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. DRINK PLENTY OF WATER. AND SEEK SHADE FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON THROUGH SUNSET. AVOID BECOMING A VICTIM OF HEAT EXHAUSTION OR HEAT STROKE."

 

Seriously, it was all in capitals. Weatherchannel.com was screaming at me to stay inside today.

I got up real fast and took the dogs for a short walk. I didn't want to completely cheat them out of exercise since I was lazy. We walked about 3/4 a mile and their tongues were practically dragging on the cement. Poor guys.

 

I really can't live in these conditions much longer. Its so freaking hot in Tennessee. I could deal with this heat and humidity better if there was a silver lining-- like an ocean. But there is no ocean. There is just miles and miles of humid woodline. I need to get out of this place! Its not natural for humans (and Frenchies) to live here!

Omen?

So I've never done this before, not even with EFMB... but I'm 3 days and a 20k road march away from completing Air Assault School... and I may have given myself some bad juju.

 

I bought Air Assault badges. Five of them. Two to sew on to ACUs, two to sew on to OCPs and one shiny silver one for my ASU dress uniform. I'm not sure if buying them was bad luck.

 

 

I really try not to get my hopes up about anything I try in the Army, because EFMB has defeated me in the final hours over and over again. I never bought EFMB badges in the past though. It also wasn't possible for me to buy them since you stay in the field the whole time at EFMB....

 

But with Air Assault, I bought the badges before graduation. I'm nervous but confident. (If that can even be a thing at the same time.)

 

I hope buying them wasn't an omen.

 

That road march makes me so nervous. In the past 2 months I've road marched my ass off to get ready for this. But EFMB has made me so scared of failing. I've got to get this. If anything, so I didn't waste my money on these badges. Plus, I need to save face. I'm really tired of having, "who failed the road march" trail after SSG DeGraf.

Bug BBQ

I woke up early on this fine Independence Day and walked the dogs, weeded a garden and laid some mulch. I stopped to admire my yard work and saw one of the bushes next to my shed looked... a bit thirsty, for lack of a better word. So I went to investigate and see why the bush was so threadbare.

I got real close to the bush and put my face right into this:

 

That's right folks, those are disgusting worm things in cocoons. ALL OVER THE BUSH. There had to be 300 of these awful things hanging off the bush. They were swinging around in their cocoons and poking their gross little heads out. I was horrified.

I didn't know what they were so I googled it to find out. Turns out, they are called Evergreen Bagworms. They lay eggs in cocoon things made out of the organic material of whatever bush they're on. So they are super camouflaged. Then in late June (or the 4th of July) they hatch and these gross worm things stick their heads out of the cocoon and start eating the bush. These jerks almost ate my entire tree. There are so many of them!

My thoughts immediately went to eliminating them. The internet kept suggesting organic ways to get rid of them-- let birds eat them, pick them off with your fingers, get rid of them in May before they hatch.... what happens if it's past May!?!? I wanted these things to die, so screw the organic way.

 

I went to Walmart with murder in mind and bought plant safe insecticide. No where on the label did it specifically say it would kill Bagworms, but it was the best available. I came home and doused the tree. Those little guys immediately sucked back into their bags like little turtles. Although their food source was now covered in poison, I wasn't satisfied that I killed the worms. I gave it time to see if it would produce some results as the insecticide set it.

A few hours later I went back to the bush. Those sons of bitches didn't seem to mind being covered in poison one bit. I exhausted all my bug killing techniques with poison, so I had to call on James to help me. I needed him to bring the big guns.

He inspected the bush, decided that the bush was a lost cause and that we should burn the bugs. I hated the bugs so I agreed.

 

So James made a torch and BBQ'd the bugs. They fell off the bush in a cascade of burned up cocoons. I bet they immediately regretted taking up residency and eating that bush. Once they were all charred, James chopped down the bush and burned it in the firepit. We're not taking any chances that these worms could live and destroy anything else in our yard. Once I'm satisfied they've been eradicated, I will plant a replacement bush in the old one's place.

So much for admiring my yard.

Happy 4th of July. 

Operational Camouflage Pattern

I intended to pop into the Class Six after work to get a case of beer and be on my way home to start my 4 day holiday weekend. But the Class Six is next to Clothing and Sales. I got sucked in, and every time I get sucked in I spend a substantial amount of money.

Catching my eye today, the new Operational Camouflage Pattern (OCP) uniform. It was actively being stocked on the shelves. Fort Campbell was one of the first bases chosen to stock the uniform. I had not intended to buy the new OCP uniform because the wear out date for the ACU (the current uniform) is still a few years out. But something about Clothing and Sales makes me feel like money is no object. I walked down the OCP uniform aisle and they had my size top! And then they had my size pants! Anyone whose ever bought a uniform knows that getting your size top and pants at the same time is nothing short of a miracle. AND it's the new pattern!? Well, this was a not even a decision anymore at this point: I had to buy a uniform. Two, actually.

 

New patterned uniform means new name tapes, new rank, new unit patches, new deployment patches, new PC (hat), new under shirts, new boots.... Holy crap, the list goes on just to get appropriately dressed for work! I'm not quite ready to transition completely to the OCP. So I only ordered name tapes and purchased rank and my unit patch today. I'll slowly acquire everything needed to create 2 full uniforms and then I'll start integrating it into my Army wardrobe. It'll take time (and a few paychecks) to get everything done.

Luck in my favor, I'll get to have Air Assault wings sewn on this new uniform. :)

Oh, and don't worry, I still made it into the Class Six for my case of beer. Clothing and Sales isn't that distracting.

Zero Day: Air Assault

Today was my zero day at Air Assault School. I was really nervous, I'm not going to lie. I've been working towards going to this school for nearly 3 months now and only recently have successfully navigated the obstacle course. So I showed up today, trying to be as positive as possible, but also not getting my hopes up. (I know better than most from previous EFMB failures that getting your hopes up and then failing miserably feels awful.)

But things went well for me today. I somehow managed to pass the obstacle course and didn't have to go back to my unit with my head hung in shame.

I ran my fastest 2 mile run to date-- 16:34! I went up the Confidence Climb faster than I ever have before. I killed the Weaver. I even got over that damn inclined wall on my first try.

 

I had to attempt the Tough One twice, though. The first time I was too worn out to get up the rope. I had just killed the afore mentioned Weaver and I was just worn out. So I was given a few minutes rest time and then I zipped up the rope without any problems. Thank Jesus.

Today was a good day.

 

But not so much for my legs. Look at all the obstacle course trophies I have on my legs! They really took a beating today. My arms don't look so hot either, but at least most of the bruising is camouflaged by my tattoos.

I have 10 more days of Air Assault, so I've only just begun. People say zero day is the hardest day. I guess I'll be finding out soon! I hope my luck keeps holding out.