Their Paws

 

Their paws seem to be completely harmless. But James and I have come to realize that they are anything but. French Bulldogs have weaponized paws that will instantly lull you to sleep. A sleepy-time secretion is released through the paws and enters your body through skin on skin contact. You are utterly defenseless against it.

 

I think it even works on each other.

 

Be warned. Naps are inevitable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Catching Up

I've been redeployed back to Fort Campbell and my home for a little over a month now. Transition back into the normal grind has been a little tough for me, so blogging about being blah seemed blah. I'm feeling less blah now so here goes a little blog post to wrap up the last month.

 

 

 

We are proud to announce a new member of the family. Gertrude the Impaler. We call her Gertie or Gert for short. She's the cutest thing in the world. She's so sweet... when she's not biting. We got her so Picasso would have a companion. After a few rocky days of getting territory (food bowls mostly) settled, the two frenchies are best friends. Currently we are in the middle of potty training her, and she is probably retarded and unable to learn because this is a venture not going well.

 

 

James started terminal leave from the Army. First matter to be taken care of was growing a beard. His beard is still in its infancy, but it's already starting to look good. He's happy to be getting out of the Army and start a new career. I'll hold it down in the Army for the family. 

 

 

For Thanksgiving, James and I took the dogs with us to Aberdeen Proving Grounds, Maryland, to see our friends Ashley and David. It was great to see them. You don't find friends like them often. I wish we were all stationed closer together again (we all met at Fort Lewis, Washington). Maybe someday we will be able to work that out. The dogs were amazingly well behaved on the 11.5 hour drive both ways. They were less well behaved at their house, but Picasso won their daughter Jayla's heart, so I can't complain.

 

I am on my last day of 23 days of block leave. 23 days is too long to be away from work. Even though I've been going to the gym and have been doing hot yoga, I still managed to put on weight while on leave. I swear, if I could be paid for gaining weight quickly, I'd be a rich woman. So I have a little bit of work ahead of me to get into shape for ALC (Advanced Leaders Course) in January.

 

That brings us up to speed I believe.

 

I'm gad to be home.

Warrior Medicine

The Dispensary OIC (Officer in charge) tasked me a few weeks ago with painting the MEDCO logo on the wall. This logo was chosen by our rotation, so she wanted us to leave our mark on the place before we left.

 

I procrastinated like a boss. I waited to put the work order in to get the paint. I waited to locate a projector so I could transfer the image onto the wall until yesterday. I didn't even have a plan to get tiny paint brushes: I just kind of fell into acquiring those from a very nice Captain. We are here for approximately 2 more days and I did it all in the last 24 hours.

 

 

 

I'm awesome.

 

My Company Commander thinks this is the shit, so it's good enough for me. I had wanted to fill in the circle with black paint but I'm worried it would be too dark and muddy looking. So it's staying the way it is.

 

Maybe if I had planned this out a little earlier, I could have found gray paint for the center of the circle. That would have required way too much forethought.

Chiller Scary Good Film

This short film is so scary; it's been keeping me awake at night thinking about that face!! Ahh! I'm such a wuss!!

 

It's nearly Halloween!

Transit Barracks

I had to move out of my barracks room in order to make space for the new people. On one hand, this is awesome because it's a sure sign relief is on it's way. But on the other hand, it sucks because transit housing is bad.

 

Now I have to share a bathroom with 13 other females of varying rank. And the smell of the bathroom is overpowering. It's like a sewer in there. I don't believe it's the other females' fault, however. That's how I made it sound. Whoops. I'm absolutely sure it's a drainage issue. As soon as the FX opens, I'm going on a pilgrimage for air fresheners. Because I just can't brush my teeth in a room that smells so foul. There is a serious lack of hot water in the showers, too.

 

This building is more like a giant trailer, so it echoes in the hallway. And I think the walls are made of paper mache. I can hear people using electric toothbrushes in the bathroom, and I live across the hall and two doors down.

 

 

The rooms are much smaller than the NCO room I had been living in. And there are basically no drawers to put my clothes in. So I am living out of my duffle bag, and I hate living out of my duffle bag.

 

Also, the wall sockets are different. Of course they are, why would they be the same? So I had to find a converter to go from the British socket to the European socket to the US socket so I could charge my phone. It's probably a fire hazard. Shh, don't tell anyone.

 

 

My room smells too. Nothing like the bathroom (thank god) but there is a smell. I blame the air conditioner because it smells musty and old in here like a basement. I will purchase more air fresheners for my room.

Although this is a temporary living situation, I am still not very happy about it. I am having trouble seeing the bright side. Perhaps when the new people arrive I will finally get excited about leaving. It just doesn't seem real yet, even though it is very obviously real.

 

I have trust issues with the Army and time lines.

Force Skills Competition Again

Lucky me, I got to be here for another Force Skills Competition. I graded the Combat Life Saver lane again. The competitors were much more competitive this go around.

We put a patient under the vehicle this year. He wrapped his leg up in there and then went "unconscious". Every single team hated that patient. I thought it was great. Some of the methods to free the patient were a little rough, and one team decided to not free him at all and did all the treatments wedged under the vehicle. To each their own, I suppose. I wasn't grading on the ability to actually MEDEVAC the patient so they didn't lose any points.

 

 

 

I had fun grading the competition again. I feel very important here as the unofficial official Combat Lifesaver director of training. That's the title I gave myself. No one has challenged it, so it made it real. I'm not going to be nearly as special when I redeploy and my title is squad leader again.

Motion Sick

I took the bus to South Camp. Almost immediately upon leaving North Camp, I became extremely motion sick. I mean, we couldn't have been 2 miles away from the gate before I started sweating and feeling nauseous. 

I took a Dramamine and waited.

I wasn't getting better. In fact, I was getting worse. I had to puke. So I started looking around for things to puke in, but without really looking around because looking around make me feel more sick. 

There was a box full of boxed lunches close by. I grabbed a boxed lunch and opened it. The smell of sandwiches didn't do much for my nausea. I gripped on to that little cardboard box for about 15 minutes saying little silent prayers that I wouldn't have to puke in it. 

But I puked. I puked 4 times into that little cardboard box. 

Something funny about cardboard boxes, they're not very water tight. I ended up with water/puke all over my jeans and on the floor of the bus. Thank god I didn't have time for breakfast, so they only thing I had in me to throw up was water. 

This is where my vomit ended up. At least I missed my cute shoes.

 

I felt incredibly better after I puked. Good enough to close my eyes and let the Dramamine take me to sleep. 

Party Animal

 

I may or may not have just feasted on this small pizza and order of onion rings while watching Big Bang Theory season 2.

I know how to party.

I have an awful stomach ache. Because, of course, I was clearly obligated to eat all the food I ordered. Obediently, I tore it up in record time.

So now I'm laying in my little bed with a distended belly, lamenting on my poor decisions. I don't think my planned 4 mile run is going to be long enough tomorrow morning to make up for the damage I just did.

I'm going to go to bed early now, on the first night of the weekend.

Like I said, party animal.

Thanks, Larry

The Dispensary is right next to the fire station. Most of the firefighters are Egyptians. I made friends with one of them. Well, friends is kind of a weird word to use. One of the fire fighters and I have a friendly business relationship where we get things for each other. He's a guy who knows how to get things, and I am a Soldier who knows how to get things. A give take kind of friendship. But it works. We are very useful to each other.

 

Except I'm a jerk, and when I first met him 8 months ago, I couldn't remember his name for the life of me. So I started calling him Larry the T-shirt Guy every time I referenced him. He is a t-shirt designer on the side. Of course, now I know his name, but I still refer to him as Larry. Old habits die hard... and I am a jerk.

 

My tour here is almost over (yay!) so he had a little gift made for me as a going away present. It's a tin plate with my company, name and title engraved into it. In case you don't have eyes. I'm going to hang it in the office in my house when I get home with the other plaques I've gotten from past duty assignments.

 

I was really surprised! This is such a nice gesture!

 

 

Very cool. Thanks, Larry. I hope the next Lead Medic is someone who knows how to get things, too, so the business relationship doesn't end here!

Record PT Test

I'm not redeployed yet, but I'm pretty sure PT is a safe subject to talk about.

 

I took my biannual record PT test today. I wasn't really feeling it. You know what I mean, like I wasn't concerned that I would fail, or even totally bomb an event. I just didn't feel like doing it. When I did my first sit up, I knew I wasn't going to break any world records today. I definitely didn't break any land speed records on my 2 mile run. But I scraped by on a 271.

 

 

One of these days I'd like to score 90% in my run. Someday... when I'm in the next age group and the standard drops a little.

I won't be in that next age group until I'm 32. I'm in the worst possible age group right now. All the maximum reps and run times are the highest to score 100%. For some reason the Army is convinced Soldiers are in better shape at 27-31 than at 18 years of age. I've been in the Army for 8 years, which means the Army has abused by body for 8 years. I may be 30, but the wear and tear the Army has put on my body puts me right around 36!

People say there isn't a birthday to look forward to after you turn 21-- bullshit. If you're in the Army, 32 is a pretty important birthday!

Taking A Break

 

I'm sure my avid readers (all 2 of you) were wondering where my blog went. Well, I had a run in with the law (the Army) and was asked to remove a blog post. Which caused me to overreact and take down my entire blog.

 

A month has passed and I really miss posting things about my life for my readers to enjoy. Or not enjoy. Whatever.

 

I've had this blog since late 2009! I've grown attached. This is a relationship. I just can't give up on it now. So I am just taking a break until I redeploy back to the States.

 

It's not you, it's me.

 

We can still be friends.

 

See you around.

 

 

Corpse Pile

Over the past few weeks an interesting insect phenomenon has been going on in my barracks room. A pile of bug corpses begins to build up along the edge of my wall locker along the floor. During the weekend I sweep them up, and through out the week the pile grows large again.

 

I had two theories. First was that there is so much insecticide in my room, that all these bugs were being poisoned and desperately crawled to their final resting place (under my wall locker) to be reunited with their kin bugs. Like a cemetery of sorts.

 

Seriously, I considered this first theory.

 

My second theory was that there was a huge bug eating spider under the wall locker that was slaying bugs for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Then throwing their corpses into a pile on the floor.

 

I got a flashlight and looked under the wall locker this afternoon, and the second theory was proved to be fact.

 

 

 

Maybe this photo has been photoshopped a little to get my point across. The iPhone doesn't take the most quality photos.

So don't judge me based on the cobwebs-- I promise I don't live like a filthy animal. Apparently this spider has been redecorating a bit... and added a dozen or so egg sacs full of its bug slaying spawn.

 

The bug hater in me wants to wipe out this spider and its disgusting egg sacs and be done with it. But the SUPER bug hater in me likes it that I have a bug that's killing other bugs by the dozen. So I'm torn. Do I let the spider stay or die? I haven't made any rash decisions just yet.

More Appreciation

Today I was presented with a Certificate of Appreciation by the Force Chief of Operations, COL Njos. He's like the main logistics S-3 guy for the entire MFO. He's kind of a big deal around here. And he took time out, along with MAJ Nobrega (a Canadian Force Training Team officer who've I've worked with quite a few times) to recognize me and thank me for all the medical training I've done while I've been in the Sinai.

 

 

Just so you don't have to zoom in on the picture, I'll copy all the wonderful things that were said about me here:

 

"Throughout her deployment with the Multinational Force and Observers (MFO) in Sinai, Egypt, Sergeant Jacqueline DeGraf has played a superb roll in the provision of medical training at various levels of the Force. Her input regarding medical considerations for Force training, Operational Readiness Checks, Exercises or Competitions was invaluable for the development of viable and timely training scenarios. Her instructional skill was consistently complemented by her calm approach, respectful demeanor and noteworthy professionalism. Her motivation and attentiveness in this regard were evident in her total commitment to key Force training activities and the results of her efforts can be seen in the dramatic increase of medical skills across the MFO. Sergeant DeGraf's professionalism and performance was of the highest order and in the best traditions of the United States Army and the Multinational Force and Observers."

 

Boom. That citation made me sound like a rockstar!

 

They may have demoted me on paper to Sergeant, but I'll take it! That Certificate of Appreciation made me feel really good today. I needed a pick me up

The Middle East Is Nuts

So in case you never turn the news on, I'm here to tell you that some shit has been going on very near to where I am stationed. North Camp is approximately 10 miles from Rafah, which is the most southern city in the Gaza Strip-- which is currently lobbing an insane amount of rockets into Israel. Isreal isn't taking this shit lying down, and it bombing the shit out of the Gaza Strip.

 

Shit.

Being so close, I get to hear it all like fireworks or... thunder. The bombing is constant. It was actually put quite perfectly by one of the guys I work with... this is the Israli dubstep remix to the everyday Egyptian fighting.

Now, I don't have a lot of political input on the situation. Mostly because the Middle East is always at war with everyone. It gets a bit confusing who hates who and why. All I do know, is that this isn't a very big surprise.

So how is this personally affecting my life at the MFO? Well, it's not really changing much. Just our mail has been stopped since it comes in through Tel Aviv and the boarders are currently closed between Egypt and Israel. So that sucks. Also, we can't ground medevac anyone to Isreal now... since those boarders are closed. We need to just keep our fingers crossed we don't have any reason to medevac and that the skies stay clear.

This morning I was walking to work and I could hear all kinds of explosions and gunfire in the distance. I didn't know if I was hearing the Isreal-Gaza Strip conflict or the Egyptian Army-Bedouin-Terrorist conflict. It's really anyone's guess. To me, it seems, the Egyptians are always fighting eachother. But once Isreal upped the ante and starting dropping literal bombs from the air, they just couldn't stand being one-upped.

"Oh I hear explosions," says anyone in Egypt who usually fights, "We must fire our tanks and small arms at one another to prove we are just as cool!"

 

I don't know what's more disturbing to me as a military service member: the fact that all this bombing and gunfire is going on and I'm not allowed to fight back as per the MFO peace treaty or the fact that all this bombing and gunfire is going on and I don't have a weapon with me at all times to fight back just in case!

These are just my thoughts on the situation. They're probably not important thoughts.

 

 

In other news, my mom sent me these rad sunglasses in the mail (which will probably be the last care package I will receive for a while). Can the Middle East just calm down a second so a girl can get some freaking mail!?

Muse - Madness

I've been listening to Muse a lot lately. I might owe royalties.

The War On Bugs Continues

It was a long night for me. Yesterday I was having some issues with big ants on my bed. I didn't see this as a sign that my life was about to be ruined. Why didn't I see the sign? 

The ants did not let up through out the night. I think they actually lead a tactical assault on me. It seemed too organized to be an accident.

 

 

I killed approximately 10 rather large ants last night in my bed. I woke up to them walking on my skin. No one likes to be woken up to being crawled on.

 

I drew the line when I killed one against my face. I felt its disgusting little hands touch my lips and I instinctually swatted at it, thus killing it against my face. MY FACE. I had to get up and go outside at 0300 to walk off that horror. 

I saw no ants once the sun came up. Then I was able to rest easy. Also, the double dose of melatonin helped. Explaining this ordeal to one of my medics today, it was brought up that ants are probably nocturnal. Or vampires. 

I assume I will have another long night battling ants ahead of me. I'm ready to go back to North Camp where my ant issues are literally much smaller, and stay on the floor. 

Things I Saw At The Beach

I'm down at South Camp for a 6 day training event with the Force Training Team (the New Zealanders). My job is to moulage and assess the medical proficiency of the American medics that work at the USBATT remote sites. I am here for 6 days and I have a grand total of about 2 days of work to do. I kicked off this event by flying down to South Camp and immediately going to the beach. 

While I was at the beach (for 5 hours-- I'm very sunburned) I saw some interesting stuff. 

I saw this little crab guy. He's dead, of course. Just a husk left behind. I picked it up and one of his legs fell off. He was cool-- with or without all his legs.

I saw a muddy sandy snowman. I suppose he's not a snowman at all if he's not made of snow. But you do the best you can with the materials that are provided, I suppose.

I saw the Italian Navy do some training. We were all called out of the water to get out of their way. They rolled up in a big boat, dropped a little boat into the water and drove it up to the beach. A bunch of Canadians exited the boat; a bunch of Italians entered the boat. Then they drove back to the big boat. It was lame training, but I bet they say the same thing about the training we do.

I mean, look at the training event I'm at right now-- catching a tan on the Red Sea... wait, maybe this isn't lame. This is pretty awesome. Why can't all training events start like this?? 

Fun Color Run

North Camp had a 4th of July Color Run this morning. This was my first Color Run. I see they've grown in popularity over the past year or so. I always look at the pictures and I think to myself, "That looks so fun." But then I never do one; that must mean I don't like fun.

 

I decided to give fun a shot this morning.

 

My assumption that it was going to be fun was a little skewed. I seemed to forget the part that there was still running involved in a Color Run. I focused on all the colorful pictures of people smiling at the end. And blocked out the running. 

 

The route was 5k and there were 4 points where colored powder was thrown. Maybe if we had more color to throw or less distance to run, the event would have been better. It was really humid this morning, which made the running significantly less fun- not that I ever find running to be fun.

 

 

 

 

But once the running was over, and we all got to see how messy and colorful we were, things started to look up for the Color Run. Now I was the smiling face at the end of the race, like in all those pictures. I suddenly felt like I had fun. Right now I feel like if you asked me if I would do another Color Run, I would tell you I would, because I'm still on the high of not running anymore.

 

I had fun this morning. I gave fun a shot, and I was successful.

 

Now, hopefully all this dye will wash out of my hair. I've washed it twice, and I still have blue streaks.

Appreciation

I finished a 2 day CLS class with the Civilian Observer Unit today. Almost everyone who is a part of the COU is either a retired COL or CSM. I thought they were going to be a tough crowd. But they were an awesome class. They asked a lot of good questions, and were very engaged. One guy (who is from Iowa) even volunteered to let me put an NPA in his nose. I can hardly get Soldiers to volunteer to do it (luckily I can just force them to do it). So he was an impressive trooper.

 

 

At the end of the class, they presented me and my assistant junior Medic Certificates of Appreciation. I thought that was really cool that they would take the time out to do that. No one has done this for me before, and I am a CLS teaching machine! Even though this particular type of certificate does not generate any promotion points for my Medic, it's still very encouraging to be recognized like that. And the coin we were both given glows in the dark-- how rad is that?

 

 

I also was recognized by the FOC (Force Operation Center) for making valid medical points a few days ago during the camp wide AAR (after action review) regarding the MASCAL exercise. My Commander was emailed about my professionalism and my dedication to getting these civilians trained up so quickly after the exercise. Unbeknownst to them, this class had been scheduled a month earlier... but whatever. It made me seem pretty high speed.

 

It was a good day for stroking my ego. Sometimes you need a day like today to remind you why you work so hard 14 hours a day. People appreciate that shit.

MASCAL Exercise

It is the weekend. I spent the majority of my day off at work observing medical skills. Not much of a day off, considering I woke up at 0400 to do this.

But what was this really disrupting? What kind of personal life do I really have? I probably would have just sun bathed and watched Ancient Aliens all day....

So, the work I did was an MFO wide training event. It tested the reaction times and protocols of a lot of different contingents and agencies at North Camp and the surrounding remote sites. I convoyed to the remote site where the event took place. The event was a VBIED and a secondary IED blast. One of my Medics and I moulaged all the casualties and observed the medical skills of the Civilian Observer Unit and the Fijians.

As always, I saw some really crazy medical care. But not from the Fijians. I've taught enough classes to them over the past few months for them to basically be first responder rockstars. The civilians were a bit scarier today. Like, asking for permission to put a tourniquet on someone to stop their massive hemorrhage before helping them. What? Luckily, I conveniently have a CLS class scheduled for them this upcoming week.

 

Scary pressure dressings over non-splinted compound fractures.

 

This training event was high speed enough to involve the Aviation Company so we had real air MEDEVAC to request. We also used ground MEDEVAC. Some of my Medics drove an ambulance out to the remote site in a convoy to evacuate some casualties back to the dispensary for the rest of the clinic to receive. It was cool to get everyone involved.

 

MEDEVAC bird kicking up all kinds of sand.

 

The public affairs guys went out to the remote site with us to document the training exercise in film and photos. They interviewed me about the importance of good medical training, realistic looking moulage and my job as the senior CLS trainer. It was pretty cool. Maybe I'll be famous on a crappy AFN commercial someday. Haha.

 

I've been a CLS training fool since I arrived at the MFO, and my schedule for July absolutely does not let up. I'm in high demand and my Medics are in high demand; that's a great thing. Even if it reinforces my entire lack of a personal life.

Bye-Bye Pretty Lady

The Army changed the policy on tattoos back in March. I haven't said much about it because I didn't know how it was going to personally affect me. I am heavily tattooed, so I knew the time would eventually come when it would. The time is now.

 

The new rules are more strict. All our tattoos from the elbow down, knee down and neck up had to be officially documented and sent up to our Official Military Personnel File at HRC. Luckily, I was grandfathered in... for the most part. This is the part of the regulation that has a problem with me:

 

b. The following types of tattoos or brands are prejudicial to good order and discipline and are, therefore, prohibited anywhere on a Soldier’s body:

(1) Extremist. Extremist tattoos or brands are those affiliated with, depicting, or symbolizing extremist philosophies, organizations, or activities. Extremist philosophies, organizations, and activities are those which advocate racial, gender, or ethnic hatred or intolerance; advocate, create, or engage in illegal discrimination based on race, color, gender, ethnicity, religion, or national origin; or advocate violence or other unlawful means of depriving individual rights under the U.S. Constitution, and Federal or State law (see AR 600–20).

(2) Indecent. Indecent tattoos or brands are those that are grossly offensive to modesty, decency, propriety, or professionalism.

(3) Sexist. Sexist tattoos or brands are those that advocate a philosophy that degrades or demeans a person based on gender.

(4) Racist. Racist tattoos or brands are those that advocate a philosophy that degrades or demeans a person based on race, ethnicity, or national origin.

 

My 1SG told me yesterday that after our tattoo documentation memos were sent back to Battalion at Fort Campbell, my CSM was worried about the tattoo on my left calf. He suspects it is considered a sexist tattoo.

 

 

My 1SG told me to get into the regulation and make myself smart about my situation. Really, it's one opinion VS another. Even if I convince the 86th CSH this tattoo is not sexist, every time I PCS and the tattoo gets reviewed by another command, I will have to fight again to prove its not a sexist tattoo and I had no intention of it being a sexist tattoo. This is an Americana tattoo, a reproduction of a famous Sailor Jerry tattoo.

 

My 1SG also told me a Drill Sergeant Candidate was just released from school because of pin-up style tattoos he had on his legs for the same reason: sexism. My biggest Army dream is to be a Drill Sergeant. I absolutely won't let a tattoo keep me from this dream.

 

I'll be removing this tattoo upon my return to the States. Does it suck, yes. Especially since this isn't even my worst tattoo!! I'd rather remove one that wasn't done well or that I don't like anymore. But these are the cards the Army just decided to deal me.

 

So much for saving money while I'm deployed. My savings account just turned into a tattoo removal fund.

War On Bugs

It turns out, they were more than just Chair Worms. They are also (soon to be) Back Of The Bookshelf Worms and Rug Worms.

When I came home from the Dispensary today, I found another freaking ant hill on my floor. My room is so full of poison I have no idea how they are finding a way to live in here. I don't know how I live in here. If I have children they will have birth defects because of the amount of Raid in this room.

Because of the ant hill, I was on hyper alert for bugs. I saw a little piece of dirt poking out from the side of the bookshelf and I just knew what it was before I even pulled the bookshelf away from the wall.

 

 

Another weird mud ant tunnel!! Luckily, when I chipped this one off my furniture it wasn't riddled with worms. Not yet. I swept up the ant dirt and moved the rug beside the bookshelf. And to my horror I found a mud tunnel within the actual rug!!

I was too disgusted by the mud tunnel running through one of the rugs I stand on every day to take a picture. Now I'm frantically doing laundry. Any piece of  cloth that might have touched the floor over the weekend is being washed.

This war on bugs has got to end.

'Merica

I just saw the most 'Merica truck that ever 'Merica'd.

 

 

I'd seen this truck before in the motorpool, when it was all black, and thought it would be the perfect vehicle to snatch up if the zombie apocalypse happened while I was in Egypt. It probably is still a good choice, even with the new paint job. But now I'd feel silly. Sure the zombies wouldn't judge me, but the other survivors would.

 

The only reason I can think of that this vehicle was painted so 'Merica is the upcoming 4th of July festivities. North Camp is really going all out for the holiday.

 

The stray cats seem to approve of the paint job, however. There are kitty foot prints in the dust all over it.

 

 

'Merica!!

 

I'll keep you posted if I see this truck serving any kind of purpose on the 4th of July. Right now it's just looking super 'Merica parked outside the library.

The Struggle Is Real

I've managed to lose 20 pounds since I've been deployed to Egypt. Now, this would be something to brag about had I not gained 20 pounds before I left the US. Fact.

I ate my feelings after my last failed attempt at EFMB. Between Thanksgiving and the first week of January I put on 20 pounds... that would almost be impressive had it not been because I was so depressed.

Beer and delicious food made me feel better after my epic failure. After my ACUs started fitting a little too snug, I realized that beer and delicious food were in fact a foe. How I looked didn't make me feel better. So I ditched the beer and delicious food (for the most part) for a life of DFAC food and 3 beers once a week.

I ended up losing 20 pounds in 4 months. Crazy it took like 40 days to put it on. Weight loss should be just as easy as weight gain. It's a cruel joke that it's not.

Well anyway, since I'm technically at square 1, now that I'm at my usual weight, continued weight loss has been a challenge. I've been at my current weight for a month. I haven't changed anything up. The weight loss has just stopped happening.

I had to resort to drastic measures and actually cut out sweet and delicious pies, cakes and candies. I never wanted my life to be this way. It's a struggle. It's more than a struggle... I'm besides myself with the desire to stuff all kinds of sugary items in my mouth until I have a horrible stomach ache and have to lie down for a bit.

 

 

Sick that this is the feeling I long for! I might have an addiction to cherry pie. And probably to Twix bars. Oh, and definitely to white chocolate-- oh yeah, for sure white chocolate.

I'm going to try out this lifestyle change for a few weeks (I do have a pretty good support system here) and if I don't lose any weight, I'm quitting and going hard core on some sugar cookies.

The struggle is real.

I Gagged, For Realz

O-M-G. Can it even get any worse? I don't think it can.

If you know anything about me, you know I hate bugs. I loathe creepy crawly things. I absolutely scream like a girl if I see a cockroach. I cannot handle beetles. Fuck maggots, they're gross.

So here I am, sitting on the floor of my room, mentally preparing myself to do some sit ups (also eating Starburst, I might add) and I saw some ant dirt on the floor. I've been at war with the ants for weeks now. But this ant dirt was different... it was at the base of a wooden chair I keep in the corner. And the ant dirt kind of ran up the side of the chair. Like a mud wasp nest, but made of ant dirt.

I gave the chair a nudge and part of the ant dirt tunnel broke off and I was absolutely disgusted by what fell out. Tiny little worms. Hundreds of tiny little white worms.

 

 

I gagged. And scrambled away from the chair.

WTF is living in that chair!? And how long have they been there!? I've never heard of worms like this. They have to be something disgusting and indigenous to the region. Sinai Chair Worms.

The Chair Worms wriggled pretty fast, so I had to get them the hell out of my room ASAP before they dispersed. I grabbed the chair, being sure to not let the legs of the chair touch me (God help me if one of those worms came into contact with my skin), and tossed it outside into the patio. Then I came inside and swept up the remaining Chair Worms and sprayed poison into the tiny hole in my floor that was at the base of the chair. I assumed that was the original point of entry, since the ants seem to come in from the floor, too.

 

I basically almost died. I'm going to need a lot more Arabic Raid to get me through this summer in this repulsive country.

Barf.

Mystery Illness Solved Through Science

I just recently got over an absolutely miserable cold. It lasted over 3 weeks and it seemed to go through drastic phases with wildly varying symptoms. When I started having strange new symptoms a week ago, I naturally figured my cold was going to take me through another fun phase. Yay.

New symptoms: itchy eyes, sneezing and extreme snot.

When you look at the symptoms alone, it screams allergic reaction. (Duh.) But since I had been sick for so long with varying ailments, my judgement was clouded and I didn't immediately think it was an allergic reaction. I suffered for about a week before I started to do some scientific research on my problem.

I noted I didn't wake up with these problems. They began in the shower and persisted through out the day. The most intense symptoms were in the shower. To include the snot problem. That was mostly uncontrollable in the shower, which doesn't make you feel like you had a very clean shower.

I started to think about how bad my eyes would itch when I would take a shower at the gym after PT at Ft Campbell. I never solved that mystery. I didn't really even try to solve that, I just accepted it. Now that I'm more hyper vigilant about science and it's happening again with the vengeance of 1,000 angry wasps, I decided to take this experience into consideration. I added this memory to my scientific data that I had collected.

The only thing that these two showering experiences had in common (other than the obvious) was the Herbal Essences shampoo and conditioner. My mom sent me the new Herbal Essences Naked shampoo and conditioner that smells SO GOOD like mint and lavender. But I am so very allergic to it! I must have been allergic to the other Herbal Essences shampoos too, but something about their Naked formula really triggered hate from my body.

 

Now that I know my problem, every time I touch my hair throughout the day, I notice the itchy eyes and sneezing return. And yes, I still am using the shampoo and conditioner even though I know I'm allergic to it. I'm too lazy to go to the FX and buy new stuff-- but I'm going to go tomorrow. I promise.

I did some Internet research and I read that a lot of people are allergic to this new Naked formula Herbal Essences has produced. Some of the complaints I read included raised rashes and itching. I'm glad my biggest complaint is snot. Which is still a pretty big complaint as far as I'm concerned.

Mostly, I'm just happy this isn't yet another phase of my epic cold. It's really over!

And I got to solve the mystery using science... I've become a bit of a scientist since I've been in Egypt. FYI.

Cool Guy Stuff

FYI: Medics have to do some gross stuff sometimes, and I'm totally going to put up some gross pictures of a wound at the bottom of this blog entry. Be warned.

Some cool guy stuff (excitement) came into the clinic today. An Egyptian worker sliced the palm of his hand wide open. The avulsion nearly took the side of his hand clear off. It was just flopping there.

If this had been an American or a member of the MFO, we probably would have MEDEVAC'd him to Be'er Sheva to go to a real emergency room. But he was an Egyptian national and we aren't allowed to do that. We're supposed to send them to their local hospitals here in the Sinai, but let's face it, he wouldn't have received the care he needed. So we sewed him up here in our clinic.  

Sterile field? Who needs that.

The poor guy.

Now that I'm a Staff Sergeant, I don't do cool guy Medic stuff anymore. It's my younger Medic's turn to do it. I had to pass the torch. So I took some pictures and basically left the situation alone for the Medics and the Colombian Doc to take care of.

Honestly, I don't miss the cool guy stuff. I had my time.

 

 

 

Fabulous Nails

There must be something in the water, because I've never had such fabulous nails in my life.

And they grow fast! I feel like I'm constantly out of regulation (of course there is a regulation dictating fingernail length-- this is the ARMY). I hack off all my claws every few weeks and before I know it, they're back! Long and beautiful and completely unauthorized.

 

 

They're not even doing me any good over here! I don't get the opportunity to dress like a girl very often, and when I do, I'm just covered in flies anyway. If only somehow I could turn these claws into fly killing weapons of mass destruction... I bet they'd be authorized then. At least while in deployed environments, ESPECIALLY the Middle East.

Czech Medals Parade

I was asked by one of the Czech CASA pilots if I would help out during their medals parade yesterday. He said to me, "I need a pretty girl to hold the tray of medals." Being blond secured my employment.

 

I wasn't given a whole lot of direction. I showed up and was told to stand in the shade with the medals until the ceremony narrator announced they would be awarding the medals. Then I'd walk forward with the Force Commander and the Force Sergeant Major. I didn't get a walk through or a rehearsal. I just winged it.

 

But it went off without a hitch. Besides the flies. The flies were absolutely awful while we were pinning the awards on the Czech Airmen. They were all over the tray of medals and my hands. It was hard to hold still with them crawling all over my face. The flies in the Middle East are unlike flies in the rest of the world. They lack all manners.

 

 

 

 

The Czech Air Force has some pretty cool guys, and I'll be sad to see them go. I'm really glad they asked me to help out! And the ceremony was broad casted on Czech TV-- I'm famous in another country! Lucky me to be blond.

Rock And Roll Night

The bar we are allowed to drink beer in on Tuesday night Pizza Night held a Rock and Roll Night this evening. Except, today is Thursday, so we were not allowed to drink. Boo.

 

We went anyway. It was pretty cute. They had a band and a DJ that strictly played 1950's rock and roll. And there was trivia to accompany it. All the waiters had 1950's waiter outfits on complete with little paper boat hats. The menu was basically the same, but everything had new 1950's names. Like the Mr Sandman Ribeye Steak and the Johnny B Goode bacon cheese burger. I had the Red River Rock Chicken Strips and onion rings. It was tasty.

 

I think any other red blooded American and Soldier would agree, this whole Rock and Roll night would have been way more awesome if we were allowed to have 3 beers. But we can't be going crazy getting beer more than once a week.... 

 

 

Our waiter was Australian and he made fun of us for not being allowed to drink.

 

Those few of us Americans that attended made the best of the situation and enjoyed ourselves. Who can pass up good food, friends and a chance to wear a skirt?

Mid-Tour Slump

 

I'm approximately half way through this deployment in Egypt. I couldn't be more ready for this to be over. I'm in the mid-tour slump right now.

 

Everything in the DFAC is repulsive at this point. It's starting to get hot. My job is stressful for no reason other than it can be. The clinic I work in is falling apart around us. I'm burned out at the gym. I'm tired. And on top of it all, I have one hell of a nasty cold.

 

Is it time to go home yet??