Area Beautification

My Soldiers and I were doing a little area beautification today. You'd think that kind of thing would stop after basic training, and that it definitely would stop after I was promoted to Sergeant (2 years ago). But there I was, pulling weeds in a garden full of weeds along side of my Soldiers.

Who ever landscaped my company building was out of their damn minds because they planted decorative glass and black eyed Susans in a ditch and then dumped a bunch of mulch around it and called it a day. Well that was over 2 years ago and we aren't given a landscaping fund to keep the mulch nice. So the ditches became 99% weeds. We pulled about 80% of those weeds. By hand. It was awesome. And by awesome, I mean, it was terrible.

While I was down there digging around I turned over a rock with my ungloved hand and came face to face with this fat lady black widow. She and I were equally unhappy about her discovery. I didn't kill her, instead I just kept my eye on her. The she disappeared while I was preoccupied and it made me wary. I stopped pulling weeds in that particular area. Just another joy of working in the South.

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to the greatest mom I've ever had!

I love you, Mommer.

EFMB Is Over... For Me

In an effort to keep my blog professional and upbeat, my only remarks on this subject are: I failed EFMB again.

Thank you.

The Written Exam

I took the written exam for EFMB today.

I passed!!

Holy Jesus, hallelujah. Only about 30% of the candidates passed. And only 12 in my platoon. They'll have another chance to take it if they make it all the way to the road march-- which is the final event. Lucky me, I don't have to worry about that!

This test had some out of control questions. The subjects were field sanitation, detainee operations, warrior skills and 68W sustainment. 60 questions and you can only miss 15 to pass. Somehow I passed even after having to make some crazy educated guesses. I don't know what my actual score was. It is simply a "go" or "no go" event.

I got a "go"! Day 1 down-- only 3 lanes, day and night land navigation and the 20k left ahead of me. Wish me luck!

"It's In My Tick Wounds!"

Yesterday we had our last practice rounds of land navigation before the EFMB test week begins. Between our iterations, the only place we could take shelter from the scorching sun was in the wood line. The wood line is also where the ticks dwell in mass.

It was a lose-lose situation. You either dehydrated instantaneously in the sun or you battled ticks in the woods. And really, at times, I didn't know which was the better deal. Ticks assaulted me from all sides. I couldn't even relax because I had to be on constant guard.

I must have pulled 20 ticks off of my body and killed at least 20 more that I saw advancing on me in the mulch. I have bites all over my body. I'm itchy and even more paranoid than before. I put on bug spray in a futile attempt to protect myself but all I really did was get bug spray in the tick wounds on my neck-- which burned like Hell!

I got back to the billets and this was taped on the wall:

Yeah right, I'd have to send off a baby food sized jar full of these little assholes to Environmental Health if I followed those suggestions.

Fort Campbell is the home of the Air Assault and, apparently, the Tick Assault.

EFMB (Also Known As Free Lyme Disease)

It is currently the end of day 4 of EFMB train up. EFMB is the expert field medical badge. It's a very tedious training event designed for army medical personnel that results in being rewarded a little badge that looks like this:

That may not seem impressive, but that little piece of shiny for my uniform means a lot to me and other Army medical peeps.

This is round 2 for me at EFMB. I attended one at Fort Lewis in 2009 and made it through all the lanes without a hitch and then went ahead and failed the last task: the 20k foot march. Time allotted is 3 hours or less and I finished 6 freaking minutes too late. But I'm not bitter or anything...

Anyhow, I'm out here again trying for this badge at good old Fort Campbell. It's been hot, muggy, humid and stormy-- everything you could ask for in a Kentucky Spring. Another lovely thing about Fort Campbell this time of year is the massive population of ticks living in the woods.

I am also living in the woods.

In the past 4 days I have plucked 25 ticks off my body... that is a conservative guess. Some of these nasty little vectors are so small they make gnats look big. Others are big with flailing little red arms and white dots on their gross little bodies. I find them on my clothes, in my clothes, on my body and attached to my body. I've found so many I feel phantom ticks crawling on me constantly. I see them tactically moving through the grass waiting to hop on board and feast on my blood. I'm tick paranoid and it's all down hill from here seeing as I have 10 more days before EFMB commences.

So WHEN (please Jesus let me get the badge this time so I never have to do this crap again) I earn the EFMB, I think a free dose of Lyme Disease is going to accompany it .

After all, who doesn't like free stuff!?!? Thanks Army!!