Low Carb Diet

I've put myself on a low carb diet. I started approximately 1 week ago. 

It hasn't been nearly as horrible as I thought it would be. I actually eat more than I would on a low calorie diet. Low calorie is usually the route I go when I diet because it's relatively easy to count calories. But I suck at it. And I rarely see results, which pisses me off, so I quit.

I'd never counted carbs before because I thought it sounded hard. I watched one of my NCOs in Egypt lose an excess of 30lbs while he did the low carb diet. I always partook in his once a month cheat day and ate loads and loads of carbs/calories and watched a marathon of Game of Thrones with him. But I didn't diet with him. This could be part of the problem. I'm always willing to do cheat day, but not willing to diet.

At any rate, for about a week now I have been really good about my carb intake. I downloaded an app called Carb Manager to log everything I eat. It gives me a little pie graph to look at to see where I am with carb intake. I respond well to pie graphs.

Well, 1 week has passed and I weighed myself.

I'm down 4lbs.

Which kicks ass because I have to be officially weighed by the Army next week (following my PT test from last week) and I am within my weight standard so I won't have to be taped to determine my body fat content. I really don't like being taped-- I feel like a cow at auction getting my measurements taken. Its embarrassing,

For breakfast every morning I have been eating hard boiled eggs. I precooked them all so I can take them to work with me. But since today is Saturday, and I am home instead of on Ft Campbell for breakfast, I thought I would throw 2 of the eggs in the microwave to warm them up. I don't mind cold hard boiled eggs, but I thought maybe a warm breakfast would be a nice change.

Apparently you cannot warm hard boiled eggs up for 1 minute in the microwave.

They explode.

The dogs did not mind at all that they exploded. They reaped that benefit completely. The eggs took on a rubbery texture that was unfit for human consumption. But totally up french bulldog consumption alley. 

After I cleaned up the egg spatter that exploded in every direction in the microwave, I was a bit over eating eggs for breakfast. I had pickles instead. Not a great substitute but at least they were the right consistency! 

I'm going to keep up with this relatively strict 30 carbs or less diet a day until I reach my goal. And then I'll back off a bit. But I don't think I'll completely abandon the concept. It's really the only diet I've ever been on that has shown meaningful results. I intend to keep that going.  

Motion Sick

I took the bus to South Camp. Almost immediately upon leaving North Camp, I became extremely motion sick. I mean, we couldn't have been 2 miles away from the gate before I started sweating and feeling nauseous. 

I took a Dramamine and waited.

I wasn't getting better. In fact, I was getting worse. I had to puke. So I started looking around for things to puke in, but without really looking around because looking around make me feel more sick. 

There was a box full of boxed lunches close by. I grabbed a boxed lunch and opened it. The smell of sandwiches didn't do much for my nausea. I gripped on to that little cardboard box for about 15 minutes saying little silent prayers that I wouldn't have to puke in it. 

But I puked. I puked 4 times into that little cardboard box. 

Something funny about cardboard boxes, they're not very water tight. I ended up with water/puke all over my jeans and on the floor of the bus. Thank god I didn't have time for breakfast, so they only thing I had in me to throw up was water. 

This is where my vomit ended up. At least I missed my cute shoes.

 

I felt incredibly better after I puked. Good enough to close my eyes and let the Dramamine take me to sleep. 

'Merica

I just saw the most 'Merica truck that ever 'Merica'd.

 

 

I'd seen this truck before in the motorpool, when it was all black, and thought it would be the perfect vehicle to snatch up if the zombie apocalypse happened while I was in Egypt. It probably is still a good choice, even with the new paint job. But now I'd feel silly. Sure the zombies wouldn't judge me, but the other survivors would.

 

The only reason I can think of that this vehicle was painted so 'Merica is the upcoming 4th of July festivities. North Camp is really going all out for the holiday.

 

The stray cats seem to approve of the paint job, however. There are kitty foot prints in the dust all over it.

 

 

'Merica!!

 

I'll keep you posted if I see this truck serving any kind of purpose on the 4th of July. Right now it's just looking super 'Merica parked outside the library.

Bad Dog Mom

Picasso had a birthday this month! He's a 3 year old little man now!

 

And I could have sworn on my life his birthday was today, the 26th of August. I hyped up his birthday to him all weekend long. I hid his birthday presents until today.

 

I got an email from AKC yesterday that I opened today that read as follows:

 

 

Hmm. This is dated the 25th of August...

 

This means I've been celebrating his birthday on the wrong day for the past 2 years (since I didn't celebrate his OG birthday-- I didn't know who he was yet). I felt like the biggest douche of a dog mom. You'd think his own MOM would know his birthday and not have to be corrected by the American Kennel Club! I immediately showered him with his withheld birthday gifts. He didn't seem to have the horrified reaction I did. He mostly just ate his treats.

 

So for future notice, to all of you who follow Picasso and his endeavors, his birthday is actually August 25th. FYI. I know I need to adjust my calendar...

Stinky

This morning we did an 8 mile road march for PT. Road marches are notoriously not my friend. But today I managed to finish in 1 hour and 51 minutes-- which is 9 minutes faster than the Air Assault standard. So that pleased me.

I brought a bag of Skittles with me and ate a few at each mile marker. I think that little bit of sugar kept me going as fast as I was. If I can keep improving my time like this maybe someday I'll actually get that EFMB I've been seeking. Or go to Air Assault school. 12 miles is still a lot to work up to.

 

I didn't plan ahead, however, and I didn't bring a clean dry pair of boots to wear the rest of the day. I had to put sweaty smelly boots on over my clean socks. I'm sitting in my car right now, and I can smell my boots. If I were a cartoon character, there would be green stink squiggly lines coming off my boots.

I hope other people don't smell them on accident today. That would be embarrassing.

Fort Polk EFMB: Loser

I go home to Fort Campbell tomorrow, once again, as a non badge holder.

The only thing I leave with, besides my tail between my legs, is the flu. This should be an interesting 12 hour drive home.

 

But I'm not quitting. I'll go to EFMB at Fort Campbell this spring. The badge will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine.

Going Away Party

James and I threw a going away party for ourselves on Friday night. We held our shindig at a redneck bar, naturally. There was a good turn out of our friends and we had a bunch of fun. Too many shots of Jack Daniels (yuck!) and lots of beer.

The party moved across the street to a buddy's apartment after we were politely asked to leave by the establishment's security personnel... Things got hazy almost immediately for me once I was in the apartment. I ate a piece of pineapple that had been marinating in Everclear and fruit punch all day and then I blacked out.

In the morning, I woke up in someone else's pajama pants in my buddy's spare bedroom. James told me I had passed out while peeing in the bathroom. He was the ever dutiful boyfriend and came in to take care of me. I stood up, zipped my own pants and immediately fell backwards into the shower and ripped the shower curtain down around me. Oh, but did I mention I had vomited into the shower? Yeah... so I sat in my own puke. Niiiice.

One last classy night in Washington. Get ready Tennessee, here I come!

Accidents Happen

Yesterday I managed to hurt myself and embarrass myself pretty good. I was walking back to my chu from the chow hall with a to-go plate when I saw my next door neighbor, SGT McPhearson. I wasn't feeling particularly social so I quickened my steps to hopefully gain ground on him and totally avoid a conversation by beating him to our rooms. Which I did. But in the process of simultaneously stepping up onto my porch, putting the key into my door and balancing a food tray, I managed to fall.

My "bad" left ankle rolled out from under me and I landed hard on my butt. My butt skidded across the mud scraper. My weapon jammed up into my arm pit. My ankle twisted into an unnatural position. But! I did not drop my to-go plate so my food stayed safe! I'm a fat kid at heart and nothing gets in the way of me eating!

Of course, SGT McPhearson had come around the corner just in time to see me take my plunge. My roommate and other neighbor heard the earth shaking thud of my body slamming into the metal stairs and came out of their rooms to see what had happened. How embarrassing. Especially when you get the facts.

It was a flight of 2 stairs. And I fell. Wow. Falling down said 2 stairs sustained these battle injuries to my thigh:

For a bruise so ugly I wish I had a better story. Moral of the story is, perhaps I should learn to like to be more social.