I Freak Myself Out

So, I'm home alone right now while James is working overseas. I've got the Frenchies, but lets face it, they are merely guard dogs, not attack dogs. I have no doubt in my mind that they would alert me to an intruder. But they would totally let the intruder murder me. 

That fact aside, whenever I am home alone, I tend to freak myself out. Frequently. 

I was really afraid my house would be haunted when I moved in. It's on base housing, a lot of people have lived here. I don't know the history of this place! Who knows what crazy stuff has gone down here. So far nothing of a haunting nature has happened. Thank God. Because I don't think housing would take a haunting as a reason to break the lease with no penalties. 

But I still think about it a lot.

For instance, when you sit on my couch and look over at the stairs, there is a black triangle that is the upstairs. But it's just an ominous black space.

To which my brain will fill with horrible things when I glance up there. At first, I saw person. Which is horrifying as is. But then the human became a ghost face. And now its a demon face. Specifically the demon face the flashes through out the movie The Exorcist. I would post a picture of it here, but I don't want to look at it. I just can't. If YOU want to see it, you can click HERE. Just looking up that video freaked me out.

I always do this right before bed. Ugh... 

My House

We decided to move on base. This is the first time I've even considered living in on-post housing. Usually there is much left to be desired when it comes to government quarters. But the housing here on Fort Wainwright is nice. There are some neighborhoods that look a little more hood than others. The neighborhood I was placed in is very nice. 

Front of the house.

Fenced back patio (frenchie approved).

I have a corner unit in a row of 4 town homes and the house is at the end of a cul-de-sac. I have a 3 bedroom, 3 bath home. That's a whole lot of space for just me, James and the frenchies! I have not finished decorating but most of our stuff is unpacked enough to share some pictures of my new digs.

New chairs in my HUGE living room.

The kitchen. There is a dining room on the other side of the counter.

Guest room. Come visit!

So far I am really happy with this decision to live on base. I am literally a 3 minute drive from work. That is going to be wonderful in the winter. Now, if only my house in Tennessee would sell, I'd be all set!

Ditch

I undertook a huge landscaping job in September. It took me the whole month to do it. I'm actually still not 100% done with it. 

We have a ditch that runs between my backyard and the neighbor's. It's the neighborhood water run off. The unfortunate part about it is that the actual drain for all the water to flow into is in my other neighbor's yard. So whenever it rains, all the water sits on top of our grass and eventually crosses our entire back yard to empty into the neighbor's drain. The ground is mostly clay so the water doesn't soak into the ground. Basically, when it rains I have lake front property. 

So my yard doesn't erode away around the ditch, I let all kinds of weeds and crap grow in the ditch. Tall, controlled weeds with deep roots to keep all the land together. It didn't look bad. At least, I didn't think so. But my neighbors whom I share the ditch with apparently thought it was an eyesore through their privacy fence that they can't see the ditch through. So they went out there and hacked it all down and killed everything. 

Now its an eyesore. So I undertook the job of ripping out all the weeds, vines, tree stumps and bullshit from the root to clear the entire ditch. Just pulling the weeds took me three weeks. The rest of the time I've spent rearranging the rocks in the ditch so they do their job. They were strewn around all willy-nilly in the ditch before and were not doing anything at all. Now they help filter the water coming off the street. 

I basically reinvented the functionality of the ditch. I made it a lot smaller by consolidating the rocks. I laid grass seed. I still have a lot of work to do-- more rocks need to be moved and I need to acquire some rocks as well. Next spring I will need to saturate the rocks and nearby land with Round Up 365 to keep it from growing weeds again. The rest of it should become grass and we will be able to mow it like the rest of the yard.

And when the frenchie keeping in fence goes up, my backyard will look like it should have the whole time we lived here but were too broke or lazy to do it. 

Kitchen Back Splash

I am no professional. The combination of YouTube videos and my past experience remodeling a doll house, I managed to put up a new backsplash in the kitchen. By no means does it look like I paid someone to do it. But it looks a whole hell of a lot better than the crap I had on the wall before! 



 

 



 

The particle board fake blue tiles that were on the wall were so gross. I can't believe I lived with them as long as I did. It was extremely satisfying ripping it off the walls. It came off very easily, too, like it knew it was hideous and deserved to go into the garbage.

 

The grout job I did is a little sketchy because I let it harden too much before wiping the wall down. Now I know, lesson learned. Also, the tiles are a bit wonky around the switch plates. So I just won't look too closely at that. All and all, I am impressed with my $250 upgrade. My kitchen is a much prettier place.

 

And I feel like the awful blue countertops are a bit less hideous now.

No Jobs Means Home Improvements

I've been looking for a new job in the Army. It's harder than I thought it would be. When I was a little lower ranking it was easy. Everyone needs a medic; I could go virtually anywhere. But now I have to look for a specific slot to fill. Staff Sergeant medics aren't needed virtually everywhere since not as many are needed in units.

 

I'm also in my reenlistment window. So I've been harassing my retention NCO to help me find a job almost daily. I want to be on orders. But I do not want to be on orders to the places that are available right now. My choices include Fort Stewart, Georgia and Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. Korea isn't even available right now! And no one wants Korea! I'm holding out a while longer before I make a decision. Something decent has to show up on the availability list.

 

So in the mean time, I am going to be at Fort Campbell a bit longer and living in my house a bit longer. All the remodeling I have been doing to sell my house, is now going to be for me to enjoy. So I redid my hallway bathroom this weekend.

 

 

The popcorn ceilings came down in both bathrooms. Thank God, I HATE popcorn ceilings. I painted the newly flattened ceilings white. And then I completely overhauled the guest bathroom. My attempt to match the walls to the existing shower curtain was a complete success. I wasn't sure if I liked the brightness of the new color at first. Once I added all the bathroom accessories I knew I had made a good choice.

 

Gertie sat in the room and watched the whole thing. Under her watchful eye, I completed everything in just a few hours. I don't know what I would have done without her supervision.

 

Maybe the master bathroom (which is the size of a closet) will be next. I am about to go on leave for 3 weeks, so I can add another project to my list. The big project while I am on leave is to put up a backsplash in my kitchen. I've never done anything like it before, so wish me luck.

 

I need to find a job before I go broke remodeling.

Bug BBQ

I woke up early on this fine Independence Day and walked the dogs, weeded a garden and laid some mulch. I stopped to admire my yard work and saw one of the bushes next to my shed looked... a bit thirsty, for lack of a better word. So I went to investigate and see why the bush was so threadbare.

I got real close to the bush and put my face right into this:

 

That's right folks, those are disgusting worm things in cocoons. ALL OVER THE BUSH. There had to be 300 of these awful things hanging off the bush. They were swinging around in their cocoons and poking their gross little heads out. I was horrified.

I didn't know what they were so I googled it to find out. Turns out, they are called Evergreen Bagworms. They lay eggs in cocoon things made out of the organic material of whatever bush they're on. So they are super camouflaged. Then in late June (or the 4th of July) they hatch and these gross worm things stick their heads out of the cocoon and start eating the bush. These jerks almost ate my entire tree. There are so many of them!

My thoughts immediately went to eliminating them. The internet kept suggesting organic ways to get rid of them-- let birds eat them, pick them off with your fingers, get rid of them in May before they hatch.... what happens if it's past May!?!? I wanted these things to die, so screw the organic way.

 

I went to Walmart with murder in mind and bought plant safe insecticide. No where on the label did it specifically say it would kill Bagworms, but it was the best available. I came home and doused the tree. Those little guys immediately sucked back into their bags like little turtles. Although their food source was now covered in poison, I wasn't satisfied that I killed the worms. I gave it time to see if it would produce some results as the insecticide set it.

A few hours later I went back to the bush. Those sons of bitches didn't seem to mind being covered in poison one bit. I exhausted all my bug killing techniques with poison, so I had to call on James to help me. I needed him to bring the big guns.

He inspected the bush, decided that the bush was a lost cause and that we should burn the bugs. I hated the bugs so I agreed.

 

So James made a torch and BBQ'd the bugs. They fell off the bush in a cascade of burned up cocoons. I bet they immediately regretted taking up residency and eating that bush. Once they were all charred, James chopped down the bush and burned it in the firepit. We're not taking any chances that these worms could live and destroy anything else in our yard. Once I'm satisfied they've been eradicated, I will plant a replacement bush in the old one's place.

So much for admiring my yard.

Happy 4th of July. 

Domestic As Fuck

We took down the doors to our little laundry room nook area. They were shitty and calling them doors was really a loose term anyway. I replaced them with curtains. Super cute, matching the existing valance, expensive curtains. I love them. But they were about an inch or so too long. They drug across the floor a little. That made me like them less.

 

I entertained the idea of taking the curtains in to one of the sew shops around here to shorten them. I was hesitant because I had some curtains destroyed doing that. I took my old living room curtains and said, "I need them shortened 16 inches." When I got them back, they were only 16 inches long. I wanted to cry.

 

So I took the shortening of these kitchen curtains into my own hands and I hand hemmed them.

 

 

Above is the first one I did. I sat on the couch and hemmed curtains for almost 2 hours. I was also drinking wine and watching Friends reruns. I felt like a house wife! I even ironed the curtains before they went back up. They look absolutely fabulous. I'm glad I did them myself. The materials to hem them were under $4. To have them professionally shortened (and potentially destroyed) would have been $30. Thrifty win!

 

I can be domestic as fuck.

ReModeling To Sell

It is inevitable, I will be PCSing within the year. I might not be PCSing where I thought I was going to do what I wanted to do. But I will be going somewhere. I have been in my current unit at Fort Campbell for 4+ years, so its time to hit the old dusty trail.

 

In order to do that, I have to prepare my house to be sold. I've made some improvements that I love so much I can't reason why I didn't do them sooner. We ripped out the flooring in the entire house except for the bathrooms and the master bedroom and replaced it all with laminate wood flooring. It looks amazing. The dogs don't particularly like it because they don't get good traction anymore, but it looks great so they can deal.

 

 

 

I repainted the living room and kitchen the same color. Its a very subdued tannish peachy color. It was more peachy that I had anticipated, but it turned out very nice and neutral. I also repainted the kitchen cabinets. The tops cabinets are white and the bottom row are dark brown. As seen on HGTV, I decided to give it a shot and it turned out pretty nice.

 

James even built me new shelves in the laundry nook. Since the laundry does tripple duty as kitchen storage, pantry and laundry, I have been needing more space since the day we moved in.

 

 

Now that my house looks so good I really don't want to sell it! I should have done all these things to it when we first moved in so I could have enjoyed it longer! Oh well, I hope my upgrades and changes will attract a buyer quickly once it goes on the market.

9 Inches Lighter

James and I went home to Iowa to see my parents for Thanksgiving. We had a really nice holiday. While I was home, I went shopping with Mom on Black Friday. It's not what you're thinking. We didn't wake up at 0300 to assault Walmart or wait in line outside Best Buy. No, instead we went out around noon and went to Pier 1 Imports and Kohls. The rush of crazy deal seekers had passed by the time we started shopping. I got a super cute yellow purse and a hair cut.

 

I've been wanting to cut my hair for a while. My hair was excessively long. So long that the ends would curl because they rested in my lap when I sat down. Having long hair is really cool looking but it's not really cool to find 2 foot hairs everywhere in the house. I find hair woven into my clothes from the dryer. I find hair floating through the air. I find hair in the refrigerator! It's everywhere.

 

I cut 9 inches of hair off.

 

 

I feel so light without the hair. And for the first few days I really liked it. But now that I've gone back to work and have to wear it in a bun, I regret cutting it so short. I have a tiny ridiculous bun on the back of my head now. I wear a bun way more often than not, so I will be growing my hair back to the excessive length it was.

 

I'm still finding 2 foot long hairs everywhere in the house, but eventually that will pass. And eventually my hair will be really long again and I can bitch about finding it in the fridge and start this vicious cycle all over again.

Silverfish

It's beginning to get cold in Clarksville, Tennessee. We've had frost adversaries all week which has lead to the tragic death of my giant geraniums I managed to keep alive all summer. That, in itself, is something to celebrate. I kept a plant alive all summer in Tennessee!!! Woot! There is a first time for everything!

 

So, in recognition of cold weather setting in, Nature from OUTSIDE has decided its time to move INTO the house. I know what you're thinking; you have mice again, Jackie, it's normal for you. No. I wish it was mice. Instead I have an overwhelming invasion of silverfish. The name silverfish doesn't sound like it could possibly be a scary thing. It sounds aquatic and rich.

 

Not. At. All.

 

This is what has been invading my home:

 

 

OF COURSE, that is not a picture I took. That picture is compliments of Google Images. Any time I see a silverfish in my home I am too busy running away from one or killing one in a frenzy to take time to photograph it.

 

I had a particularly horrific incident with a very resilient silverfish a few days ago.

 

So, I am pretty ghetto, and instead of having a laundry basket that I throw my dirty laundry into, I use the floor of my closet. I am well aware that I am housing dirty laundry on the floor where I keep clean laundry on hangers. However, I have yet to be told that I smell terrible while wearing seemingly clean clothes. Don't hate.

 

I went to do laundry, finally. As usual, I laid a used towel on the floor and pawed a bunch of dirty laundry out of my closet onto it. I was doing a load that was heavy in the military clothes department. I like to wash my Army clothes and my regular/delicate clothes separately. All the Velcro on my uniforms tends to destroy my underwear.

 

So anyways, I had a big load of Army laundry clutched to my chest in a towel that I was taking to the washing machine from the bedroom to the kitchen (where my laundry machines are located). I held the laundry as tightly as I could so I wouldn't drop anything. As I was stuffing the laundry into the machine, one of these horrible silverfish came scurrying out of my laundry.

 

Now, do you recall my verbiage? I had just been clutching this laundry to my chest. A silverfish had been hitching a ride. Essentially, I had been hugging this silverfish. I HUGGED A SILVERFISH!

 

This silverfish emerged frantically from a fold in the clothing, waving all it's legs and antennas at me. It stopped along the fly of a pair of my pants. It froze. I froze. And then I think my heart froze. I couldn't muster up the courage to catch the silverfish. You've seen what they look like! I wasn't trying to put hands on that! Instead, I poured detergent over it and slammed the lid down.

 

"You will die in suds", I decided aloud.

 

When it came time to change the laundry over to the dryer, I was cautious, but certain 45 minutes in soapy water killed the culprit. I carefully placed all my laundry into the dry and shut the door. I set the timer for an hour. I figured the silverfish had a fragile body that had disintegrated in the water and soap.

 

Boy was I wrong. As soon as I stepped away from the laundry machines, I saw that silverfish hanging out right in front of them. It wasn't nearly as agile as it had been. No, he was definitely stunned; yet still alive. IT HAD LIVED THROUGH THE WASHING MACHINE. I immediately flipped out and called for James to do the slaying. He took care of it and I immediately made him take the garbage bag (which was the silverfish's final resting place) out to the garbage can.

 

I loathe outside critters coming in to visit for the winter. YUCK!

 

Lattice

I think every married woman has a Honey-Do list. I may not have been married long, but that Honey-Do list has certainly been in existence since James and I moved in together. At the top of the list for the past 2 and a half years has been to enclose our back deck with lattice.
 

 

James got to check it off the list this weekend. It looks great, all I have to do is stain it (which is a job for NEXT weekend) to match the rest of the deck. Something so small has made me so happy. Home improvements are my favorite.

Little Raspberry

I don't know why I thought this was so cool, but I did. So I'm sharing it. I found a tiny little raspberry growing in my front yard. At least I think it was a raspberry. I didn't eat it to test my theory. And I probably won't eat it because Picasso has probably peed on it. Probably.

 

 

Seasonal Update

 

I think Spring finally made it to Clarksville!! And if I don't look quick, it'll be gone before I can enjoy it. It's already been 85 degrees once this week, which is a tell tale sign Tennessee is skipping through Spring and straight to Summer at full speed, as expected.

 

Everything is blooming and fragrant right now. The trees, daffodils, tulips and violets are blooming in full swing-- everything is colorful and such a refreshing change of pace from the everything-is-brown-and-dead scenery we've had since November.

 

I went to Lowe's today and got my first patch of annuals to pot. I say first batch because I know they will all burn to a crisp by June and I'll have to start over. But they're so pretty right now!

 

I've already mowed the yard twice this Spring. The yard is actually starting to look pretty good. It's immensely improved from the time we moved in. My plants (those that can make it through the Summer heat) are starting to get big and strong. The roses and day lilies came back strong. I'm happy with the yard. It's going to be sad when we PCS and have to leave this all behind. Such is the Army life, I guess.

Kitchen Surprise

I got home from spending Christmas at my parent's house in Iowa late last night, so needless to say, I didn't take inventory of my home. So when I got home from work today, I started unpacking and putting things in order. I threw some clothes in the washing machine (which is in my kitchen) and out of the corner of my eye I saw something under the lip of the cabinets on the floor.

I got down on my hands and knees to get a better look at whatever was out of place and I was immediately horrified. So horrified, I backed off and did a few laps around my living room to work up the courage to go back to it.

There was a wooden mouse trap wedged in the corner with a little crispy dried up mouse snapped to it.

Now, a mouse in my house is not unusual. What is unusual is where I found this mouse. Clearly James wouldn't have placed a trap in a place Picasso or I could be snapped. So how did this trap get here-- right under foot? What moved it here? Did a bigger mouse drag his fallen comrade over to the hole in the underside of the cabinet and abandon him once he didn't fit? Did my absence force the mice to turn to cannibalism?

No matter how he got there, I had the daunting task of removing the mouse and the trap that was clamped to his head. Thankfully he still had a pretty cute mouse face still visible. I tried using a paper towel but it inhibited the dexterity my fingers needed to pull him out. So I had to use my bare hand to grab the trap. Gross!!

 

He was so old and crusty that he stuck straight off the trap like a stick. When I tossed him in the garbage his tail broke off. I washed my hands frantically afterwards.

Maybe the mouse is who left those cricket legs behind a few weeks back...

Cricket

Bugs with exoskeletons gross me out to no end. So when I saw there was a cricket loose in the house I nearly lost it. I didn't pursue it, I just hoped it would get back outside somehow or die in a place I'd never find it.

I had no such luck. Of course it died in the kitchen beside the garbage can. In plain sight. Since their nasty little bodies gross me out so much, I just left it there for like 2 days (no one ever said I was housekeeper of the year). I just side stepped past its little corpse and wished it away.

This morning I was on my way to the refrigerator and I glanced at its resting place to ensure it was still in fact dead. And the cricket looked a little different:

 

The other leg was across the kitchen.

 

He was only legs...

Something in my house "helped me out" by getting rid of the cricket's corpse. But had the precision to remove the legs first. Picasso has no such skill and the cat stays outdoors permanently. I certainly didn't remove the legs-- so who did?

The legs are still on the kitchen floor. I'm hoping whatever ate (I'm assuming it was eaten) the body will come back for the legs tonight. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I don't know which is more gross, picking up the cricket or just his left behind legs. Or... that the legs remain on the kitchen floor.

Master Bath Re-do

We re-tiled the master bathroom. When I say "we", I mean I handed James the tiles in the esthetically pleasing way I wanted them laid down and sat in the shower and watched. It looks really good! We sure are getting handy. There I go throwing that "we" word around again.

Before. Yuck.

After. Yay.

New Stuff Makes Me Happy

We bought a new couch with my Iowa income tax return. Material things shouldn't make me so happy, but they do. I'm honest-- so sue me!! Love the new couch! Thanks, Iowa! XOXO

New Paint, New Year!

I painted my living room over the 4 day New Year weekend. I am a party animal. The paint still needs a few touch ups and the tray ceiling needs to be painted. I'm so sick of painting right now I'm living with the flaws for a while! My right arm is exhausted!!

Before: Yucky mint green walls.

After: Yummy milk chocolate walls.

I love having a house. It's one of the better decisions I made in 2011.

Oh, and Happy New Year. It's been a hot minute since I posted anything. I try to keep this blog light hearted and funny. And there is absolutely nothing positive about my outlook on my military career right now. No sense writing depressing or angry blogs. I'll find my positive pants sooner or later and get back to blogging. Until then....

Halloween 2011

James and I attempted to throw a big Halloween party, but somehow people didn't get the memo and there was a poor turn out. Halloween is also James' birthday, so it really sucked that he was disappointed.

So thanks to this Halloween, we're not throwing any more parties at our casa for a while. And secretly, I think my house is relieved. There is only so much vomit a house can take in non-vomit approved areas.

Regardless of a lot of our friends being no-show turds, the friends that came out, came in style. We had some good costumes. Here are some of my favorites:

Picasso was a shark.

James was Osama bin Laden, the AFTER version.

Max as Richard Simmons and Jake as Borat!

Darby (Pirate), Me (Cruella DeVille), Collin (Sweatin' to the Oldies Chick) & Sagen (Zombie).

Gross!

This morning James and I were lying in bed just hanging out. I had already let Picasso out of his kennel and he was under the bed happily grunting and chewing on one of his rawhide bones. A totally normal Saturday morning.

We eventually decided to peel ourselves from the bed and start the day. As soon as James sat up, he said, "What the fuck!?" So that made me sit up, too.

There was a dead mouse on the bedroom floor. A dead, completely soaked with saliva, mouse.

Seriously, what the fuck? I don't know who killed it, either Dracula or Picasso, but it definitely was in Picasso's mouth last.

Since our neighbor's house is abandoned, a colony of mice claimed it. The weather is getting cold; even freezing the last couple nights. I think the mice are going on their annual pilgrimage towards warmer environments. Sigh. I guess that means we need to set more traps. I don't want my animals eating those filthy little things. And I swear to God, if Dracula brings a dead mouse onto my bed, I'm going to have a heart attack.