Domestic As Fuck

We took down the doors to our little laundry room nook area. They were shitty and calling them doors was really a loose term anyway. I replaced them with curtains. Super cute, matching the existing valance, expensive curtains. I love them. But they were about an inch or so too long. They drug across the floor a little. That made me like them less.

 

I entertained the idea of taking the curtains in to one of the sew shops around here to shorten them. I was hesitant because I had some curtains destroyed doing that. I took my old living room curtains and said, "I need them shortened 16 inches." When I got them back, they were only 16 inches long. I wanted to cry.

 

So I took the shortening of these kitchen curtains into my own hands and I hand hemmed them.

 

 

Above is the first one I did. I sat on the couch and hemmed curtains for almost 2 hours. I was also drinking wine and watching Friends reruns. I felt like a house wife! I even ironed the curtains before they went back up. They look absolutely fabulous. I'm glad I did them myself. The materials to hem them were under $4. To have them professionally shortened (and potentially destroyed) would have been $30. Thrifty win!

 

I can be domestic as fuck.

Wedding

James and I tied the knot in Las Vegas on August 10th. There are a million funny or sweet stories to tell, but I think the story that needs to be shared is a story of a catastrophic wardrobe malfunction.

 

**Let me preface this tale by saying I had just been bragging to some friends that this has been a completely stress free wedding for me. Karma is a bitch.

 

So I was getting ready in my parent's hotel room. As my mom was zipping up the back of my gorgeous wedding dress, the zipper broke. And when I say broke, I mean, the dress was completely zipped up the back but the zipper teeth weren't biting each other any longer. This dress was not meant to be backless, and there were only 30 minutes until the ceremony was supposed to start.

 

I burst into tears. Of course I burst into tears. Who wouldn't? My day was just ruined. I put on a ridiculous green dress (it had pockets-- you can't get married in a dress with freaking pockets) and wanted to back out of the ceremony.

 

James saved the day and called every resource he could think of to save the dress. He finally found a tailor downstairs in the casino mall who would look at the dress. I ran to the tailor with 2 friends in tow. The seamstress replaced the entire zipper in just about 15 minutes. I was zipped back into the dress-- and thank you sweet baby Jesus the zipper teeth stayed biting each other. I ran barefoot back through the casino and arrived at the chapel 10 minutes late.

 

Out of breath, but in a beautiful dress (without pockets), I married the man I love... who also saved the day. XOXO

 

 

 

 

Dress Code

I attended WLC graduation today and the wives were out in their finest.

There was a girl in see through white pants that I was unable to photograph. You could see her white underwear clear as day. This is the second time I've seen this at a WLC graduation; it happened last summer too. I also saw several women in stilettos, walking through the grass driving their heels into the mud.

 

I don't know where the wives dress code is published, but it must be sent out as a mass email through FRG (family readiness group). How else would they all know wearing wildly inappropriate evening attire at 1000 is the standard?

1 Year Since...

It has been exactly 1 year since James gave me this beautiful diamond ring and asked me to be his wife.

We set a date before he went to Afghanistan, but since he's been gone, I have been feeling like he's going to be gone for SO LONG and the wedding is SO FAR AWAY... why make solid plans and arrangements?

 

Turns out, he's going to be home in 3 months, and then the wedding happens 3 months after that. 6 months from now, we are going to be in Las Vegas making it legal in front of our friends and family, and all I have is a dress and the venue.

 

Holy crap, I lack the bride gene, I guess, because I should have been in full swing planning mode a while ago!!

Luckily, Planet Hollywood is going to do 80% of all the wedding planning. Getting married in Las Vegas is probably the best way a lazy person can get married and have it be a success! AND it's not nearly as expensive as a traditional wedding, and it will still be classy! I picked a great venue!

But I need to get hot on picking out invitations to send out! August 10, 2013 is coming up faster than I can think!

Sweet Outfits, Ladies

Friday was Warrior Leader's Course graduation, and you know what that means! It means the wives were out. In the finest attire for a 10am ceremony on post. Check out some of the hotties I saw:

Stiletto heels, skin tight pants and your belly showing. Nice.

Truly, animal print pants outta control.

What ever possesses these women to dress so inappropriately completely blows my mind. But I'm not complaining-- their cluelessness makes going to these boring WLC graduations worth it.

Military Wives Part 2

Military wives were blowing my mind again at Warriors Leaders Course graduation. The ceremony was at 10:30am. Between black fishnet stockings and completely see through white pants, I didn't know who to take pictures of first!



She was a clear favorite.



See Through White Pants Girl in the background.



I've made the decision that when James graduates from WLC, I'm going to show up like I just left the club. Like, maybe literally. Last night's dress, make-up and hair like I was doing the walk of shame to his ceremony.

Attack Of The Wives

Today I had to attend a new comers brief along with all the other new Soldiers to Fort Campbell. This was a breif to acclimate you and your spouse to the post and the surrounding areas. So, it was highly encouraged that the married Soldiers bring their spouses along with them to work today.

I absolutely adore it when spouses make apprearances at work.

Not because I like to interact with the wives. Hell no. I like it that the majority of these ladies get dressed up to come to work with their Soldier. And when I say "dressed up", I mean, they show up looking like hookers.

This brief started at 0900 and there were women walking around with more inches of clevage than I have fingers, stilleto heels and tiny skin tight dresses. This isn't the club, ladies. It's a mandatory new comers brief on a military instillation. Daycare was available on site, for God sakes. Don't advertise your goods. Cover that crap up!

But if you insist on dressing so sexy while the sun is high in the sky, then I suggest you do it outrageously so I can keep taking pictures of you behind your back. Haha.

Dog Tags

I have an issue with Identification Tags, or Dog Tags. They are issued to Service people as a form of identification. Our name, social security number, blood type and religious affiliation appear on these tags. We are to wear them at all times while in our uniforms. Dog Tags were originally used to help identify bodies on the battle field or to help medical personnel identify an unconscious patient.

So what the Hell is wrong with Soldiers who want to wear them in their civilian clothes? Let me clarify, on the outside of their clothes. It's not a piece of jewelry. It's not pretty. If you want people to know you're in the Army that badly then just tell them. Your hair cut generally hints to your profession anyway. You don't need your social security number dangling around your neck to show off your military pride!

I also have a problem with wives and girlfriends that wear their Soldier's Dog Tags. I get it that you're proud. But do you get it that your man's social is dangling between your boobies or off your key chain and if you lose them you are putting his identity at risk? They were not issued to you, honey, to be cute. So leave them to the Service member to "rock" those dog tags.

I just wanted to get that off my chest.

Uncasing Ceremony

Today was the Uncasing of the Colors Ceremony. Before we left for Iraq over a year ago, we had a ceremony to case the colors. Basically we put our brigade and battalion flags in an ACU printed sock and left them in it while we went to war. Now that we're back, we can remove it from the sock and add a little streamer on the flag that says we were awesome on our deployment. It's a long ceremony. People give speeches. The I Corps band plays their instruments. Soldiers stand at attention. There is singing involved.

I lucked out and got to pull medical coverage. Which basically meant I stood behind the spectator bleachers with a litter and an aid bag and talked shit with 2 other medics. There was a lot to talk shit on. I love getting to see Soldier's wives. Because all Soldiers generally look the same, but wives come in all shapes and sizes and classiness.

There were an insane amount of babies present. If you do the math, that means most Soldiers had a really good mid-tour leave with their wives or there was some scandalous stuff going on while Daddy was at war. There even seemed to be designated, yet unmarked, stroller parking behind the bleachers.

The best part of this particular ceremony is that it kicked off our block leave period. 30 days where every Soldier who deployed has a chance to take leave and finally relax and go on vacation. I have quite the vacation planned for myself. First off: Las Vegas with my bestie. Then I'll be whisked away to wonderful Richmond, Virginia to visit another bestie. Lastly, but certainly not least, I'll go to fabulous Davenport, Iowa to visit my fabulous parents! It'll be nice to put my uniform away and feel like a real human being for a month.