Tanning for the Winter

I go tanning almost every winter. It's the only reliable way to keep my super itchy eczema in check. Eczema reared its ugly head over the past few weeks, so I knew it was time to get a tanning membership again.

I burned my butt today.

I purchased a tanning lotion that is supposed to be considerate towards not ruining my tattoos. The genius 90lb 16 year old working there couldn't explain the chemistry behind it. I bought it regardless, so whose the real idiot?

With purchase of tanning lotion, I was eligible for an AFTER tanning lotion for only $10. This magic lotion is supposed to seal the tan in. Ol' girl behind the counter said it would make it impossible to "shave off your tan when you shave your legs". (Holy Christ, Edward Scissor Hands, what do you shave your legs with??) I was intrigued.

She handed me a bottle so I could smell the lotion. It smelled good. I said I'd purchase it. She said she just applied some right before I came in the store. This is the bottle she sold me:

 

This is clearly the same bottle she just used to put on her own skin. Pump top pulled up, lotion drained from the top. I got a used product for the low low low price of $10. I was so confused and taken aback by the strangeness of being sold a "tester" product, that I just kind of awkwardly walked away with it.

I hope she enjoyed my lotion. It will probably just sit on the back of my toilet for a year before I eventually throw it away. Unless I shave off my tan... then I may consider using it.