Scarlett Blizzard

Apparently the Fort Campbell Education Center hires strippers to do thier IT work.

Oh, My Feet

You'd think that nearly 6 years in the Army and 2 Iraq deployments would have toughened up my feet somewhere along the line.

The worst part is, usually my feet look WORSE. In this picture I don't have any blisters. Or any patches of white/yellow deflated old blisters. There aren't any flaps of dead loose skin. Or pointy half dead but still attached slivers of skin. And in this picture I'm not bleeding anywhere.

All and all, this is a pretty nice picture of the bottom of my foot.

So sad.

Epic Rap Battles of History: Abe Lincoln VS Chuck Norris

Abe Lincoln totally kicked Chuck Norris' ass.

I love this video.

DoD Civilians

I'm in a HazMat class for the next two weeks. It would be gouge-your-eyes-out boring, but the civilian instructor is a pretty goofy guy. He keeps the class rolling along. The students aren't just Soldiers; there are Department of Defense civilians, too. The best part about it is I'm allowed to wear civilian clothes to class.

My partner for the next two weeks is an older gentleman who works at Redstone Arsenal in Arizona. He's completely lost in the sauce when it comes to understanding Soldiers and what we do on a daily basis. He was floored we do PT every morning and that the job description of a Sergent is really just a glorified babysitter.

Class starts at 0800. This guy generally rolls in around 0815. He is shocked everyday the class began on time. He says we are so discipline for being on time. I think he's just lazy because the other DoD civilians seem to get here on time. He's always asking me questions that the instructor literally just explained. He reads into questions way too far and tries to take me on his word problem rendezvous through limbo all day.

He's a chemist. That's basically a scientist in my book. So if my partner in a HazMat class deals with chemical makeup of hazardous materials every day of his working life, then why does he have such a learning disability in this Army class?

To top it off, he asked me today what a "round" was while we were learning about explosives and ammunition. HE WORKS AT AN ARSENAL.

The Mariner's Revenge With LEGOs

My favorite musical group, hands down, is The Decemberists. My mom asked me last time I was home what they sounded like and I really couldn't accurately explain it. So, here is a silly video to go along with one of their more jaunty maritime adventure songs.

Fiesta

Blah blah blah, it's been a long time since I blogged. Well, whatever. Hiatus aside, a few things have been going on here in good 'ol Tennessee.

For starters, I got a new car! I traded in my truck for a 2011 Ford Fiesta. It's like a Mexican party every time I get in it! The dealer was a real life Mexican, like, the broken English kind. His name was Ramon and he force fed me chicken enchiladas while we were waiting for the finance lady to crunch numbers. I half expected to get a free sombrero with purchase.

I've had a wonderful idea for a few years now to put those terrible white family member stick people window stickers on the back of my car. New car: new stickers. So I spent $30 on one lady sticker and 8 cat stickers. It appears I am a crazy cat lady. I love it.

My new little Fiesta is so wildly popular that the neighbor's cat climbed in through the open window last night and slept in the back window. I had 8 white cats in the window when I went to bed, and this morning I had 9.

Skittles, the cat, joined my collection.

Lightweight Traveler

When advertising portability is an acceptable way to sling liquor, you know you're in the South.

New Scent

So I was sitting at work, minding my own business, and I caught a whiff of something absolutely terrible. I stuck my nose down into my tan T-shirt to make sure it wasn't me. And it sure was me. It smelled like oranges and piss.

I looked at the Staff Sergeant sitting across from me and said, "My shirt smells like oranges and piss."

To which he responded, "Is that a new Tide scent? I tried mountain spring and shit once and I didn't like it."

Epic.

Dracula, Bwa ha ha!

There has been a new edition to the DeGraf / Buckley homestead. Meet Dracula!

I know, I know. She's so flippin' adorable and tiny! How could I have given her such an ominous and dark name? Well, she may look innocent, but she's packing a grill full of razor wire in that tiny mouth.

She appeared out of no where in the middle of the night. Just like a spooky vampire story.

We were having a party with the garage door open. The kitten crashed our party and instantly won me over with her cuteness. Her tiny meow was all I had to hear to know I had to have her. I begged James to let me keep her. He was standing his ground firmly to keep the house feline-free.

I brought the kitten in the house anyway.

I knew in order to smuggle the kitten into permanent pet-hood I would have to integrate her into a friendly relationship with Picasso. Getting James to go along with my scheme would be much easier. It turned out Picasso really liked the kitten. But the feelings were not mutual. The kitten reacted to Picasso in such a frenzy of fur and claws that she accidentally bit two boys (one happened to be James-- poor choice, kitty).

She drew blood.

I made the excuses that they just needed time to get to know one another and everything would work out just fine. James wasn't buying it and told me to put the kitten outside. I sadly did put the kitten out. But the next morning I woke up to tiny meows outside my bedroom window.

Now she's our pet. Our pet Dracula.

Obama Is My Homeboy

After the much anticipated slaying of Osama bin Laden, President Obama came to Fort Campbell, Kentucky to talk to and to congratulate the Soldiers. It was a pretty small gathering of Soldiers chosen to hear the president speak, and what do you know? I got chosen to go!

Air Force 1 loomed over the air field on Fort Campbell as we entered the hangar where we were to hear the president speak. It was standing room only by the time I arrived. Approximately 800 Soldiers sat in bleachers and crowded around the tiny stage at the front.

I waited 2 hours. There is always a lot of unnecessary waiting when it comes to any Army operation. The hangar doors closed, we all cheered. We waiting another hour. 800 breathing, stinking Soldiers wallowing in their own sweat. When President Obama finally entered the stage, he wasn't wearing his suit jacket. I wished I could downgrade my jacket!

President Obama spoke to us about how proud he is to be in command of the World's greatest military. He promised a withdrawal of 100,000 Soldiers out of Afghanistan this autumn. He pumped us up and motivated us.  It was so cool to get to hear my Commander In Chief speak. It was the first time I'd ever been in the presence of any president.

After he was done with his speech, he came closer to the crowd. A lot of Soldiers turned and tried to get out of the stifling hot hangar leaving a ton of open space near President Obama. Always the opportunist, I marched myself right up to the side of the stage, extended my hand and what do you know? He grasped it. He looked at me, smiled and said, "Thank you for your service."