I left my Ford Escape in Iowa with my parents while I spent the year vacationing in Iraq. It was a good deal, my SUV was looked after by people I know, and the people I know had a 2008 SUV play with. The bummer side of this arrangement was that I had to go get my SUV. It's a 30 hour trip from Davenport, Iowa to Fort Lewis, Washington. Oh, and I made the trip 24 hours after landing back in the United States. Sheesh, I don't always make the safest decisions, but nothing bad happened on my half cross country trip.
Before I left my parent's house for the driving bonanza, I called my Grandma DeGraf to let her know I was home safe from Iraq. I told her I was going to drive back to Washington (stupidly). Her advise was to lock my doors and not talk to strangers. She also suggested I only get gas during daylight hours. I don't know why I even opened my mouth.
I made the trip in 3 days, and I think all of day 2 was spent in Montana. I loathe Montana. Not only is there nothing there, the nothing takes up a whole lot of space. I was slamming Rockstar Energy Drinks to keep focused on the road. The problem with energy drinks is that they run right through you. The problem with drinking them in Montana is that the rest stops are all approximately 100 miles apart.
So I leaped from my SUV at some random rest stop and flew into the non-modern bathroom, if you know what I mean, to take care of some business. Relief. I decided to stretch my legs and took a stroll through the grass.
Isn't that cute? A doggy rest stop right next to the person rest stop. I think the dog's potty may have been cleaner. So I snapped a picture like a weird tourist. And that's when I noticed the sky was about to open up any second and pour all over me. So I walked back through the grass to hop in my SUV, and I came face to face with this.
Holy crap, Montana. Seriously? There isn't a hospital in hundreds of miles! Thanks for posting the sign after I practically did cartwheels through your grass! Before, I hated Montana based solely on it's size. But now I can add 'dangerous wildlife' to my list.
Hi! (Friend of your Aunt JD)
ReplyDeleteI'm an EMT and I was chatting with one of our doctors about Montana. He was laughing at the sheer number of patients from our small country hospital that get medevac-ed to larger hospitals for stuff we can't do here... he said he did his ER rotation in a hospital so far from anything decent that helicopters couldn't do a turnaround from there to someplace else. His exact words were 'Whatever shit rolled in the doors...it was YOUR shit to deal with...because no one else was close enough.'
I'm assuming they keep rattlesnake anti-venom on hand. I hope so.
Which is more dangerous? Rattlesnakes or a worried Grandma DeGraf? I think we both know the answer to that.
ReplyDeleteGlad you made the trip in one piece.
That is fabulous that you are back. I imagine Montana being similar to west Texas...a fuck ton of nothing for miles and miles. What ever happened to your guinea pig? Elroy or Leroy or something with an "oy" in it?
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