Crazy Good Naps

Our connexes are packed and sealed. They are ready to take the long boat ride across the ocean so we can open them back up in 4 months at Fort Lewis, Washington. We had all our things closely inspected by customs officials-- both military and personal items. A guy picked up a pile of my bras and he tossed them back at me like they burned his flesh.

Nothing feels better than knowing you're leaving this country for good (or for at least a while-- I'm sure there is another "visit" to Iraq left in my military career).

Basically everything that has to be done to get us the heck out of here has been done. Now we play the waiting game. It's still a week away that I go to Kuwait to start my super awesome medical coverage detail. We don't have any formations. There are no details. No one is looking for me to ask me questions. Whatever shall I do with all this down time? I haven't had much time to myself over the past year. A few days off here and there, but mostly I worked 12 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Given my first lick of freedom, I napped. I napped hardcore. I have been napping and sleeping so much and I didn't even know I was this tired. I know they say that you can't catch up on sleep, but I actually think I have been. Crazy good sleep!


Now, let me get back to my cat nap. I'm starting to understand why they call it that.

Not Edible

I was woken from my peaceful slumber around 2am with the most angry bowels I have had in a very long time. This happens from time to time in a 3rd world country; generally it's from eating the delicious fare provided from the local economy. However, I have not eaten off the local economy in quite some time, so this bout of emergency bathroom action was brought on by the chow hall.

Both chow halls on Camp Taji have gone down hill in quality in the past couple months. A new command and unit is running them and they just don't get it that Soldiers would like to eat yummy food instead of questionable food.

This food is Swedish meatballs and onion rings. Mmm, just like Mom used to make. Except these meatballs are the same meatballs that go in chow hall spaghetti. Change up the sauce and you have an entirely different meal! Cost effective!

This food appears to be the chow hall's version of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and canned corn. Covering it in cheese and ketchup did not mask the grade F meat used to create this undesirable loaf.


And lastly, this food was advertised as roast pork and spicy potatoes. It looked and tasted like poo and is probably the reason why I was up most of the night wishing my belly would quit waging war with my body. Oh, and you can't forget the random slice of sausage pizza complete with left over breakfast sausage hidden under the cheese.

I do not like the forced diet I've been put on. I just can't eat this junk anymore. Hopefully the food is better in Kuwait.

Extended & Complaining

I was so excited to be back at Fort Lewis on the 15th of August. I was counting down the days. I must have been too excited because the Army slapped me in the face and extended me one month. I was added to the list of poor souls that gets a detail in Kuwait to help the brigade redeploy. I'm going to be the NCOIC (Non Commissioned Officer In Charge) of some shady aid station at an exit camp from theatre.

So not only am I going to be trapped in the desert for one month longer, I'm moving south to a more deserty region. In August. That's summer. That's going to be HOT. Most of my friends escaped this detail and are going to be home on time partying and having fun. I'm going to have to look at those pictures on Face Book and be consumed with unattractive jealousy.

Damn me for not having a house and kids and a husband waiting on me at Fort Lewis! If I wasn't so painfully alone I could have gotten out of this mess!

Accidents KEEP Happening

I thought I broke my arm today. I've never broken a bone ever in my life and in a sick way I really hoped I did today. I just want to know what it's like. But the x-ray results showed no fracture.

How did I almost break my arm, you ask? Well, let me tell you my tale of misery and woe.

I was locking up an MRAP when injury struck. SPC Lewis was asking me a question while I was closing the driver's side door from the outside. The MRAP's doors close pneumatically with a little push. Well, after I gave the door a little push, I looked over my shoulder at SPC Lewis to talk shit to him and accidentally got my arm caught between the closing door and the armor on the side of the vehicle. And *SMUSH* went my poor little arm.

Thank God SPC Lewis was there because my only reaction was to pull my arm out, hold it to my body and pace back and forth while I cursed loudly. I didn't have a plan after that. He took a look at my arm to make sure it wasn't an open fracture and then practically dragged me over to the clinic at a jog.

I'll tell you, getting my arm crushed in the vehicle hurt like Hell!! My arm immediately started to swell up. When I first got into the clinic I was nauseous from the pain, but once I sat down and stopped sweating I felt a whole lot better. I had x-rays and prayed for a broken bone but was given a clean bill of health. Along with a baggie of Motrin-- because the Army will try to cure anything with Motrin first.

Of course, the arm I crushed is the arm I have sleeved. So I won't really be able to tell what the heinous bruise I'm about it get will look like. This is the second day in a row I've injured myself, and each day it gets worse. I'm scared for tomorrow! I might lose a finger!

Accidents Happen

Yesterday I managed to hurt myself and embarrass myself pretty good. I was walking back to my chu from the chow hall with a to-go plate when I saw my next door neighbor, SGT McPhearson. I wasn't feeling particularly social so I quickened my steps to hopefully gain ground on him and totally avoid a conversation by beating him to our rooms. Which I did. But in the process of simultaneously stepping up onto my porch, putting the key into my door and balancing a food tray, I managed to fall.

My "bad" left ankle rolled out from under me and I landed hard on my butt. My butt skidded across the mud scraper. My weapon jammed up into my arm pit. My ankle twisted into an unnatural position. But! I did not drop my to-go plate so my food stayed safe! I'm a fat kid at heart and nothing gets in the way of me eating!

Of course, SGT McPhearson had come around the corner just in time to see me take my plunge. My roommate and other neighbor heard the earth shaking thud of my body slamming into the metal stairs and came out of their rooms to see what had happened. How embarrassing. Especially when you get the facts.

It was a flight of 2 stairs. And I fell. Wow. Falling down said 2 stairs sustained these battle injuries to my thigh:

For a bruise so ugly I wish I had a better story. Moral of the story is, perhaps I should learn to like to be more social.

Lizard Tales

The Clinic and the Evac Shack are covered in lizards. They've always been there but it seems like within the last week or so they've grouped together to form a more organized attack. They're stupid critters and will let you get really close before running away. Their camouflage actually works (unlike the camouflage I wear) so I end up flushing several tiny lizards out of their hiding places with every step I take.

I think the lizards are adorable. None of them have attempted to sell me car insurance, so I feel a little cheated. Most of them look the same: sand colored and slim.

There is a different kind of lizard who lives in the sandbags around the Evac Shack. He kind of looks like a snake when you see him out of the corner of your eye-- and that's how you always see him because he's faster than Hell and scares the shit out of you every time he makes his mad getaway. Half of his tail is missing, so he's got some street credibility. I imagine him as an evil dictator ruling over the other minion lizards. If he were a pirate, he'd have a peg leg. I don't mess with him.

On my first deployment to Iraq in 2003 we didn't have air conditioning in our aid station for the longest time. So in the afternoon when it was 120 degrees, I'd sit on the side of the building on a slab of cement in the shade and read or take naps. Every afternoon I had a visitor. He was a giant lizard, much bigger than the ones I see now. He'd come crashing through the weeds and grass about the same time every afternoon. I could hear him coming a mile away as he had absolutely no grace what so ever. He'd sit on another slab of cement in the sun and blink his eyes at me. I'd like to think we were friends.

I am not friends with the evil dictator that lives outside the Evac Shack.

They're Here!

Our replacements arrived today! 3rd ID is here!

It brings me so much joy to see their faces in my work area, because those bored and uninterested faces are taking over the mission for our bored and uninterested and hateful faces in just a few short days!

Today we gave the new guys the run down on how we do our jobs in Evac. It took the grand total of about 20 minutes. For the other of the 11 hours and 40 minutes, they hung out as crickets chirped while we memorized each other's faces for the lack of anything better to do. It made it quite apparent that our role as the ground medevac for the level 2 clinic is very minimal and could easily be taken out of the mix.

None of the replacements are excited to be here. But I couldn't be happier to see them! Of course, their arrival does not mean we are leaving just yet. There is still quite a bit that needs to be done on our part, but this is the first big sign that we are going home!

They're here! They're here! They're here!

Army Signs

The Army doesn't always employ rocket scientists, let's just go ahead and throw that one on the table as a fact. Many Soldiers need a lot of guidance and direction to complete even the simplest of tasks. Luckily, in my field as a medic, I am not always subjected to the retardedness directly. Inevitably, it finds itself to me in a round about way....

Like in the form of informational signs.

This is a sign posted above the sinks at the hand washing station at our chow hall. Obviously, it must have been an issue if the giant warning had to be placed. It appears over every other sink to really drive home the point, too. Every time I walk in there I have such a strong desire to start spitting all over the place. I suppose that sign backfired.

And this lovely sign is posted on the outside of every single port-o-potty at JSS Muthana. Same awesome sign every time. I started to wonder what on Earth people were doing in there to make someone post the intended use of a port-o-potty, and then I stopped myself. Perhaps not knowing makes me a better person in the long run.

This last one is an Isralei bandage. They're pretty nifty stretchy bandages. But like all bandages, no matter how fancy, there is one intended use of the white pad on the backside. If you don't know to put the white side toward the wound, may God help you. You, apparently, are not too dumb to work for the Army, but you are too dumb to work anywhere else.

Taji Body Competition

Happy 4th of July!

To celebrate our nation's independence this year, Camp Taji had a best body competition! It was a meat market disguised as a body building competition. It gave all the deployed Soldiers on Taji the opportunity to oogle at amazing half naked bodies, both male and female. My squad leader competed and she did really well. Originally I went only to support, hoot and hollar for her. However, I ended up falling in love. I fell in love with middle weight contestant #11.

If you didn't think the video was worth watching, I added a pic below of my future lover and father of my children so you would see the error of your ways and go back and take a look. (Please ignore my crappy video skills as I was love struck while taping!..)

One day I hope to be Mrs. #11... yummy.

There were a lot of really amazing bodies at this competition. This display of sexiness made me ever so proud to be a member of the uniformed services fighting for our freedom along side men with bodies like that. No pyrotechnics needed, I had my own fireworks! Happy Independence Day, indeed!

Say What?

Camel what?? Another hilarious example that when Arabic is translated to English, it just doesn't always work out. This is a bus that passed while I was out and about in Iraq.