Fort Polk EFMB: Tent Life

How on earth can the generator that heats the tents run out of fuel two days in a row? Who ever is in charge of fueling them either hates us or is awful at their job. Probably both.

For the past two days I've woken up to a tent with a temperature of 25 degrees. It took all my will to poke my face out of my sleeping bag, let alone get out and into ACUs this morning. Silly me, I didn't sleep with my uniform in the bottom of my sleeping bag since I didn't anticipate having absolutely no heat in a tent.

 

Tent Sweet Tent

 

The females in this tent have interesting field behavior. I watched several apply makeup this morning. Heavy makeup. We don't have access to showers, yet you still think you need makeup?

I also watched a female strip naked, put on a poncho and go outside in this winter weather to take an improvised shower... the day before we are being bussed on post to take a real shower.

Another female that sleeps a few cots over wakes up early before everyone else and dresses really quickly. Then she just stands over her cot and does nothing. She's just standing there waiting for the day to begin. She kinda creeps me out.

 

** An additional note on the creepy female. A few days later, I watched her paint her face with a cammo stick, lay in her bed in her full uniform (including hat) with her M16 lying over her chest and stare at the roof of the tent. I wanted to photograph her SO BADLY but she seems unpredictable.

Fort Polk EFMB: Arrival

Ahh yes, here I go again. Off to yet another EFMB. This time lovely Fort Polk, Louisiana is hosting the event. The 86th Combat Support Hospital rented 3 vans and sent 16 of us down here to compete.

The 12 hour road trip took roughly 3 hours longer than it should have. People have to pee constantly. Or eat. Or smoke. By the time we made it to Fort Polk, it was late at night and we were tired from traveling. All I wanted to do was take a shower and get into bed.

Of course this was not to happen. We were informed upon arrival there are no shower facilities at the EFMB site. We will be bussed onto main Fort Polk midway through the event for a shower. EFMB is 10 days long. My hair will be in greasy dreadlocks by the time I get to wash it.

 

The packing list sent out from Fort Polk clearly stated we were to have no fewer than 3 towels and quarters for laundry machines. 3 towels for the 1 shower I am to be allowed. I can't even fathom how to use all 3 towels. But you better believe I will invent a way to use them since I had to take up so much space in my duffel bag to accommodate 3 freaking towels!

 

After the shock and dismay of no showers settled in, we were lead to a connex full of cots and shown to our tents. So it's midnight, and the other female candidates are already asleep in the tent when we came crashing in with all our shit. Never have I been given more dirty looks. These females knew we were coming, but they still left no space for us. We had to squeeze cots in between these girls. I swear I shared oxygen with the girl beside me all night, she was so close.

My fiancee is in Afghanistan and his living conditions are better. Yay EFMB.

Thanksgiving

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I am all alone here family wise, so I went to an Army Orphan's Thanksgiving hosted by one of my good friends, Mel. She opened her home to about 15 single soldiers who needed a good meal and good company. 

 

Mel recently got a baby pug puppy. He was the cutest freaking puppy ever (excluding Picasso, because he TRULY was the cutest puppy ever). Pickles, the puppy, was wiggly and energetic and completely not photogenic because of those characteristics.

 

This appears to be Pickle's jaw and teeth.

 

I really wanted to stuff Pickles in my purse, but I thought stealing a dog wouldn't be good for my friendship with Mel! But it has reawakened my desire to get another puppy. Picasso really could use a little brother or sister... but, back to Thanksgiving.

 

The meal was amazing. I actually left soon after the meal because I was so stuffed, I desperately wanted my orange sweatpants. I brought a ziplock baggie of turkey home for Picasso. He ate it, and then licked his dog bowl for a good 15 minutes to ensure all turkey goodness had been licked up.

 

Thanksgiving could have only been better if James had been there, instead of Afghanistan. In the meantime, I'm thankful he's safe and will be coming home in 7 months.

Veteran's Day 2012

Baghdad, Iraq 2010

Happy Veteran's Day to all my brothers and sisters in Arms!

 

I'm so proud to be a two time veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom. To all the Soldiers who have come before me, present Soldiers fighting the good fight and all future Soldiers waiting to join, Cheers!

Armadillo Legs & Coconut Mounds

One of my Soldiers gave me a recipe for one of the most delicious appetizers I have ever had the pleasure to eat. They're called armadillo legs. Jalapeños halved and seeds removed, filled with pineapple cream cheese and wrapped in bacon. Baked. So good.

 

Armadillo legs.

Rosie and I turned these appetizers into our dinner. We ate them all, shamelessly standing over the tinfoil lined cookie sheet I baked them on. We burned our mouths on the first few, but kept eating these delicious little treats until they were gone.

 

Rosie shows off our dinner.

 

We retired to the couch to wait for our desert to set. Rosie and I made Coconut Mounds flavored pudding. Chocolate pudding made with coconut vodka. Yummy... in theory. We made them like normal instant pudding-- with less milk and more vodka. It did not set like normal pudding so we had to call the idea's source (Rosie's friend) if this was normal.

 

NOT a pudding shot.

The source got back to us and said the mixture HAD TO BE IN THE FREEZER. So we moved the desert concoction into the freezer and patiently waited. And waited. And waited. We waited all evening and its disposition did not improve. It never turned into anything that resembled pudding. It's still in my freezer. It does smell like a Mounds candy bar, though. We'll have to see how this turns out in the morning. Not that we will be taking pudding shots for breakfast... or will we? We are both on vacation after all.

Rosie and I make wise food choices when we're together.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!

 

Also, Happy Birthday James!

 

I got into the holiday spirit last weekend and carved pumpkins. I carved them on the kitchen floor and Picasso stole pieces of the rind and ate them on the living room carpet. It was a huge mess, and I'm actually quite surprised he didn't get sick.

 

Spooky! 

Unfortunately, we had a freak heat wave last week. Pumpkins don't handle 83 degree days very well. So tonight, the trick-or-treaters get these pumpkins to look at:

 

Perhaps spookier.

Not that I had many trick-or-treaters this year. And by not many, I mean one. I had one kid come to my door. I should have dumped all my candy in his bag. Now I have a surplus of Nestle Crunch Bars in my house.

Cricket

Bugs with exoskeletons gross me out to no end. So when I saw there was a cricket loose in the house I nearly lost it. I didn't pursue it, I just hoped it would get back outside somehow or die in a place I'd never find it.

I had no such luck. Of course it died in the kitchen beside the garbage can. In plain sight. Since their nasty little bodies gross me out so much, I just left it there for like 2 days (no one ever said I was housekeeper of the year). I just side stepped past its little corpse and wished it away.

This morning I was on my way to the refrigerator and I glanced at its resting place to ensure it was still in fact dead. And the cricket looked a little different:

 

The other leg was across the kitchen.

 

He was only legs...

Something in my house "helped me out" by getting rid of the cricket's corpse. But had the precision to remove the legs first. Picasso has no such skill and the cat stays outdoors permanently. I certainly didn't remove the legs-- so who did?

The legs are still on the kitchen floor. I'm hoping whatever ate (I'm assuming it was eaten) the body will come back for the legs tonight. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I don't know which is more gross, picking up the cricket or just his left behind legs. Or... that the legs remain on the kitchen floor.

Fit Wrap

I've been curious about these weight loss wraps that tanning salons and spas offer. So I finally got inspired enough to call and inquire about one called the Fit Wrap. I made an appointment.

 

So this evening I found myself sandwiched between two heating pads the same density as an X-ray smock. Let me rewind just a few minutes. I sprayed on some fat burner activator which may as well been I Can't Believe Its Not Butter Spray. The bottle says to spray it on problem areas. I had a thought to dip my whole body into it. The I donned a plastic onsie that zipped up the front, jumped up onto a table that had been warming and wrapped myself up like a burrito. There were even 2 pot holder looking warming pads for me to wrap around my arms.

 

I settled in. The radio was on. I attempted to drift off to sleep. And then my body caught on fire. It's hard to browse shoes on Zappos.com on your phone while your body has burst into flames. I kept resting my heels on some sort of hot pressure point, but every time I tried to reposition my feet, I'd stir up the heat in my burrito.

 

Sweat started to roll off me. Then I couldn't feel it rolling off because I had soaked my little plastic onsie. I sat up just slightly and a dam from within the onsie broke and sweat flooded the neck of my little disposable outfit. Now my hair is soaked.

 

The longer I'm laying there, the hotter I'm getting, and the faster my heart is beating. I started to speculate this was named the Fit Wrap because you needed to have some level of physical fitness before hand to live through it.

 

The hour passed and I was signaled by the machine by a pleasant beep that I could uncocoon myself. As soon as I stepped out, sweat poured out of the foot holes of my onsie. There was so much sweat on the floor, it looked like I had stepped out of the shower. I had to peel the onsie off-- it came off inside out like a wet bathing suit.

 

Please excuse my onsie.
It became quite see through.
 

At home I discovered I had sweat 2 pounds. I'm probably extremely dehydrated and the results are going to be temporary. I figure if you do it 2 times a week every week you could probably really lose some weight. It's no miracle. But its a help. And I can use all the help I can get!

 

Fit Wrap, you'll be burning my feet again in the near future.

New Fun Toy

James went all out for my birthday and got me an iPad. He's such a thoughtful dude. Now I can play all my addictive iPhone games on a much larger screen! AND I'm composing this blog on it right now. It's proving to be handy.

I didn't get a chance to play around with it today since I had to go to stupid work all day. But now that I'm home, I have all night to play with it. So far, the feature I'm enjoying the most is the photo booth.

 

It distorts pictures. Clearly. I hope you got that without me having to say it. I've had so much fun laughing to myself over these silly pictures!

Thanks for the awesome new toy, James! Muwah!

Old Lady

Let it be known, I love margaritas. I don't think that came as a surprise to anyone. For my 29th birthday I naturally needed to celebrate with my favorite beverage.

So I took a friend, who just recently had her 29th birthday so she could relate to my old age woes, out to dinner. We went to my favorite restaurant, Don Panchos, and I was ready to devour juicy delicious carnitas and guzzle margaritas like it was my job!

 

However, after half a plate of carnitas and rice, I was too full to eat anymore. We ordered a pitcher to split, and we couldn't finish it. I had a terrible stomach ache. All I wanted to do was put on pajamas and watch Project Runway on my couch.

Then it hit me...!
I suddenly got old on my 29th birthday. An old lady over night! If Mexican food upsets my stomach and margaritas are unappealing, then I don't want to be 29! I'll stay 28 forever! Back when life made sense and was worth something!

Happy Birthday to me. Welcome to old lady-hood.

Reply to:

Reply to Jackie DeGraf

Reply to Jackie DeGraf