Gertie is Cray-Cray

My dogs absolutely love me (I mean, who doesn't??). But their love and devotion goes a little too far. They end up fighting each other over who gets to love me the most. When I say fighting, I mean, knock down drag out, dirty fighting.

 

These jerks have caused each other many injuries to prove who loves me the most. Literally, Gertie has lost 2 teeth fighting Picasso.

 

How can a dog this sweet looking be so thug acting?

 

Gertie starts it. No doubt about it, she is the instigator. I don't know if it's because she's "new" and she feels like she's been shafted on the love Picasso got the first 4 years he was a single dog. Whatever her reasoning, she's super mean to him.

 

He puts up with a lot from her. Even when they play, she's mean to him. She's always biting his face and hanging off his loose face skin. She bites his legs and sometimes she even bites his little boy parts (because, hey, they're there?). Sometimes he does retaliate and start the fight. But I can't blame him when he does because he puts up with a lot of her shit.

 

But Gertie is just a little gangster. She's out for blood. Her lips are always covered in scabs from boxing with Picasso. She's so jealous of Picasso that he is afraid to sit in my lap because of the repercussions.

She's also bi-polar. After I tear them apart from a fight, she calms down, gets her shit together and then goes over to Picasso and licks his face. She's probably licking the blood off his face. Gertie is seriously crazy.

 

Don't even get me started of the strange things she "has ownership" of over Picasso. The garbage bag on its way out of the house-- that's hers. The open dishwasher-- that's hers. Groceries being put away-- those are hers too. Picasso will get jumped if he goes anywhere near those things.

 

String cheese is ALWAYS Gertie's.

 

She's just a little jelly thug and I am at my wits end trying to protect Picasso from her. She loves me, and its dangerous.

Air Assault!!

I did it!

 

I passed the Air Assault 20K (12 mile) road march this morning and am now an Air Assault badge holder.

I crossed the finish line at 2 hours and 51 minutes. I had an allowed time of 3 hours. When I crossed the class behind us was having formation and singing the Screaming Eagle Song. It was perfect timing and felt like something out of a movie.

I was so proud of myself this morning. I am a badge holder now. Never before have I been able to say that. In the years I have quested to earn the EFMB, that ridiculous 20K road march held me back and haunted me. But not today.

When I had the air assault wings pinned on my chest at the graduation ceremony I felt so proud of myself. I know many Soldiers don't feel like the air assault badge was difficult to earn. But for me, it most certainly was a challenge.

After the ceremony with my BN CDR, who was also in my class.

Never before have I been in good enough shape and strong enough to complete the Air Assault Obstacle Course. The 4 mile run in less than 36 minutes we conducted in 90 degree heat tested my will to finish. Going to the top of the 34 foot tower and repelling off 8 times tested my fear of heights and falling. And, finally, the 20K road march tested my endurance and heart to finish. Air Assault was not easy for me: and I completed it.

I fucking completed it.

 

AIR ASSAULT!

It's Too Freakin' Hot

I slept in today! It's Sunday and I slept in until 0800 and I didn't mean to. I know that doesn't sound like I slept in, but since it was forecasted to be approximately a billion degrees today, I wanted to get up early to walk the dogs. French Bulldogs literally melt and die in the heat. I wanted to beat the heat. I did not really beat the heat by waking up at 0800. I looked at weatherchannel.com just to be sure and this is what I saw:

 

 

Jesus.

 

It went on to say: "BE SURE TO PACE YOUR PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. DRINK PLENTY OF WATER. AND SEEK SHADE FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON THROUGH SUNSET. AVOID BECOMING A VICTIM OF HEAT EXHAUSTION OR HEAT STROKE."

 

Seriously, it was all in capitals. Weatherchannel.com was screaming at me to stay inside today.

I got up real fast and took the dogs for a short walk. I didn't want to completely cheat them out of exercise since I was lazy. We walked about 3/4 a mile and their tongues were practically dragging on the cement. Poor guys.

 

I really can't live in these conditions much longer. Its so freaking hot in Tennessee. I could deal with this heat and humidity better if there was a silver lining-- like an ocean. But there is no ocean. There is just miles and miles of humid woodline. I need to get out of this place! Its not natural for humans (and Frenchies) to live here!

Omen?

So I've never done this before, not even with EFMB... but I'm 3 days and a 20k road march away from completing Air Assault School... and I may have given myself some bad juju.

 

I bought Air Assault badges. Five of them. Two to sew on to ACUs, two to sew on to OCPs and one shiny silver one for my ASU dress uniform. I'm not sure if buying them was bad luck.

 

 

I really try not to get my hopes up about anything I try in the Army, because EFMB has defeated me in the final hours over and over again. I never bought EFMB badges in the past though. It also wasn't possible for me to buy them since you stay in the field the whole time at EFMB....

 

But with Air Assault, I bought the badges before graduation. I'm nervous but confident. (If that can even be a thing at the same time.)

 

I hope buying them wasn't an omen.

 

That road march makes me so nervous. In the past 2 months I've road marched my ass off to get ready for this. But EFMB has made me so scared of failing. I've got to get this. If anything, so I didn't waste my money on these badges. Plus, I need to save face. I'm really tired of having, "who failed the road march" trail after SSG DeGraf.

Bug BBQ

I woke up early on this fine Independence Day and walked the dogs, weeded a garden and laid some mulch. I stopped to admire my yard work and saw one of the bushes next to my shed looked... a bit thirsty, for lack of a better word. So I went to investigate and see why the bush was so threadbare.

I got real close to the bush and put my face right into this:

 

That's right folks, those are disgusting worm things in cocoons. ALL OVER THE BUSH. There had to be 300 of these awful things hanging off the bush. They were swinging around in their cocoons and poking their gross little heads out. I was horrified.

I didn't know what they were so I googled it to find out. Turns out, they are called Evergreen Bagworms. They lay eggs in cocoon things made out of the organic material of whatever bush they're on. So they are super camouflaged. Then in late June (or the 4th of July) they hatch and these gross worm things stick their heads out of the cocoon and start eating the bush. These jerks almost ate my entire tree. There are so many of them!

My thoughts immediately went to eliminating them. The internet kept suggesting organic ways to get rid of them-- let birds eat them, pick them off with your fingers, get rid of them in May before they hatch.... what happens if it's past May!?!? I wanted these things to die, so screw the organic way.

 

I went to Walmart with murder in mind and bought plant safe insecticide. No where on the label did it specifically say it would kill Bagworms, but it was the best available. I came home and doused the tree. Those little guys immediately sucked back into their bags like little turtles. Although their food source was now covered in poison, I wasn't satisfied that I killed the worms. I gave it time to see if it would produce some results as the insecticide set it.

A few hours later I went back to the bush. Those sons of bitches didn't seem to mind being covered in poison one bit. I exhausted all my bug killing techniques with poison, so I had to call on James to help me. I needed him to bring the big guns.

He inspected the bush, decided that the bush was a lost cause and that we should burn the bugs. I hated the bugs so I agreed.

 

So James made a torch and BBQ'd the bugs. They fell off the bush in a cascade of burned up cocoons. I bet they immediately regretted taking up residency and eating that bush. Once they were all charred, James chopped down the bush and burned it in the firepit. We're not taking any chances that these worms could live and destroy anything else in our yard. Once I'm satisfied they've been eradicated, I will plant a replacement bush in the old one's place.

So much for admiring my yard.

Happy 4th of July. 

Operational Camouflage Pattern

I intended to pop into the Class Six after work to get a case of beer and be on my way home to start my 4 day holiday weekend. But the Class Six is next to Clothing and Sales. I got sucked in, and every time I get sucked in I spend a substantial amount of money.

Catching my eye today, the new Operational Camouflage Pattern (OCP) uniform. It was actively being stocked on the shelves. Fort Campbell was one of the first bases chosen to stock the uniform. I had not intended to buy the new OCP uniform because the wear out date for the ACU (the current uniform) is still a few years out. But something about Clothing and Sales makes me feel like money is no object. I walked down the OCP uniform aisle and they had my size top! And then they had my size pants! Anyone whose ever bought a uniform knows that getting your size top and pants at the same time is nothing short of a miracle. AND it's the new pattern!? Well, this was a not even a decision anymore at this point: I had to buy a uniform. Two, actually.

 

New patterned uniform means new name tapes, new rank, new unit patches, new deployment patches, new PC (hat), new under shirts, new boots.... Holy crap, the list goes on just to get appropriately dressed for work! I'm not quite ready to transition completely to the OCP. So I only ordered name tapes and purchased rank and my unit patch today. I'll slowly acquire everything needed to create 2 full uniforms and then I'll start integrating it into my Army wardrobe. It'll take time (and a few paychecks) to get everything done.

Luck in my favor, I'll get to have Air Assault wings sewn on this new uniform. :)

Oh, and don't worry, I still made it into the Class Six for my case of beer. Clothing and Sales isn't that distracting.

Zero Day: Air Assault

Today was my zero day at Air Assault School. I was really nervous, I'm not going to lie. I've been working towards going to this school for nearly 3 months now and only recently have successfully navigated the obstacle course. So I showed up today, trying to be as positive as possible, but also not getting my hopes up. (I know better than most from previous EFMB failures that getting your hopes up and then failing miserably feels awful.)

But things went well for me today. I somehow managed to pass the obstacle course and didn't have to go back to my unit with my head hung in shame.

I ran my fastest 2 mile run to date-- 16:34! I went up the Confidence Climb faster than I ever have before. I killed the Weaver. I even got over that damn inclined wall on my first try.

 

I had to attempt the Tough One twice, though. The first time I was too worn out to get up the rope. I had just killed the afore mentioned Weaver and I was just worn out. So I was given a few minutes rest time and then I zipped up the rope without any problems. Thank Jesus.

Today was a good day.

 

But not so much for my legs. Look at all the obstacle course trophies I have on my legs! They really took a beating today. My arms don't look so hot either, but at least most of the bruising is camouflaged by my tattoos.

I have 10 more days of Air Assault, so I've only just begun. People say zero day is the hardest day. I guess I'll be finding out soon! I hope my luck keeps holding out.

Tough One

When I hurt my hand earlier this summer, it was because I fell off the top of the rope on the Tough One. The Tough One is one of the obstacles at the Air Assault Obstacle Course. It's also considered a major obstacle so you absolutely have to be able to do it to get past the first day of school. It's been my handicap for a few weeks.

 

 

You've got to climb up the rope and not touch the first horizontal beam with your hands or arms. Once your knees are that high, you can put your knees down on it and transition from the rope to the beams. After you're off the rope, you've got to climb over the upper most horizontal beam. Then there are a series of beams you have to walk across without falling down between them. Next there is a tall ladder structure to ascend, to climb over the top of and then descend the cargo net along the back side.

 

Since I fell off the rope, I've been afraid of it. Imagine that!? Fall all that way down and not want to do it again. Crazy....

 

I've been working at it for a few weeks now: trying to get over the fear. I usually freeze when my face is aligned with the first horizontal beam. But today I worked through it, got past the beams and got my knees onto the platform. FINALLY got my knees on the platform. That was the tricky part for me. But I got it today.

 

I did it pretty quickly, and waited to freak out and be afraid until I transitioned onto the beams. I was by myself today so I had to take a pic from the top to prove my success.

 

 

The Tough One I've been practicing on is not the exact same one that I will do at Air Assault School. They are almost identical, but the school's obstacle course is off limits unless you have permission to be on it. So that one pictured above doesn't have the safety mats underneath it like the one I originally fell off. Glad I didn't fall off today.

 

So proud of myself!!

Frenchie Kisses

 

Frenchie kisses from my little girl.

 

Taking a brief moment out from being totally bad to show some love. Quick, witness it, because Gertie's going back to being a little thug in a few seconds.

Domestic As Fuck

We took down the doors to our little laundry room nook area. They were shitty and calling them doors was really a loose term anyway. I replaced them with curtains. Super cute, matching the existing valance, expensive curtains. I love them. But they were about an inch or so too long. They drug across the floor a little. That made me like them less.

 

I entertained the idea of taking the curtains in to one of the sew shops around here to shorten them. I was hesitant because I had some curtains destroyed doing that. I took my old living room curtains and said, "I need them shortened 16 inches." When I got them back, they were only 16 inches long. I wanted to cry.

 

So I took the shortening of these kitchen curtains into my own hands and I hand hemmed them.

 

 

Above is the first one I did. I sat on the couch and hemmed curtains for almost 2 hours. I was also drinking wine and watching Friends reruns. I felt like a house wife! I even ironed the curtains before they went back up. They look absolutely fabulous. I'm glad I did them myself. The materials to hem them were under $4. To have them professionally shortened (and potentially destroyed) would have been $30. Thrifty win!

 

I can be domestic as fuck.