New Fun Toy

James went all out for my birthday and got me an iPad. He's such a thoughtful dude. Now I can play all my addictive iPhone games on a much larger screen! AND I'm composing this blog on it right now. It's proving to be handy.

I didn't get a chance to play around with it today since I had to go to stupid work all day. But now that I'm home, I have all night to play with it. So far, the feature I'm enjoying the most is the photo booth.

 

It distorts pictures. Clearly. I hope you got that without me having to say it. I've had so much fun laughing to myself over these silly pictures!

Thanks for the awesome new toy, James! Muwah!

Old Lady

Let it be known, I love margaritas. I don't think that came as a surprise to anyone. For my 29th birthday I naturally needed to celebrate with my favorite beverage.

So I took a friend, who just recently had her 29th birthday so she could relate to my old age woes, out to dinner. We went to my favorite restaurant, Don Panchos, and I was ready to devour juicy delicious carnitas and guzzle margaritas like it was my job!

 

However, after half a plate of carnitas and rice, I was too full to eat anymore. We ordered a pitcher to split, and we couldn't finish it. I had a terrible stomach ache. All I wanted to do was put on pajamas and watch Project Runway on my couch.

Then it hit me...!
I suddenly got old on my 29th birthday. An old lady over night! If Mexican food upsets my stomach and margaritas are unappealing, then I don't want to be 29! I'll stay 28 forever! Back when life made sense and was worth something!

Happy Birthday to me. Welcome to old lady-hood.

Reply to:

Reply to Jackie DeGraf

Reply to Jackie DeGraf

Smile!

"Don't I have a pretty smile?"

Tanning for the Winter

I go tanning almost every winter. It's the only reliable way to keep my super itchy eczema in check. Eczema reared its ugly head over the past few weeks, so I knew it was time to get a tanning membership again.

I burned my butt today.

I purchased a tanning lotion that is supposed to be considerate towards not ruining my tattoos. The genius 90lb 16 year old working there couldn't explain the chemistry behind it. I bought it regardless, so whose the real idiot?

With purchase of tanning lotion, I was eligible for an AFTER tanning lotion for only $10. This magic lotion is supposed to seal the tan in. Ol' girl behind the counter said it would make it impossible to "shave off your tan when you shave your legs". (Holy Christ, Edward Scissor Hands, what do you shave your legs with??) I was intrigued.

She handed me a bottle so I could smell the lotion. It smelled good. I said I'd purchase it. She said she just applied some right before I came in the store. This is the bottle she sold me:

 

This is clearly the same bottle she just used to put on her own skin. Pump top pulled up, lotion drained from the top. I got a used product for the low low low price of $10. I was so confused and taken aback by the strangeness of being sold a "tester" product, that I just kind of awkwardly walked away with it.

I hope she enjoyed my lotion. It will probably just sit on the back of my toilet for a year before I eventually throw it away. Unless I shave off my tan... then I may consider using it.

EVAC. Represent.

Soaking wet all day! Yuck!

I have been in the Army 7 years. Not all at once, of course, since I foolishly got out of the Army for 3 years. (Turns out being a beach bum in San Diego does not pay the bills.) Anyhow, for 7 years I have been a medic. And as a medic, I have always had the pleasure of being in the Evacuation Platoon.

 

Well, when I was with the Combat Engineers, I wasn't necessarily considered EVAC. But when there are only 10 medics responsible for all the medical coverage for an entire battalion, you become an EVAC/TREATMENT hybrid. Like a TREVAC or an ETREAT. But since then, I have been strictly EVAC. Represent.

 

Anyway, the point I'm eventually going to make is that for 7 years I have been intimately involved with the Army's worst vehicle ever produced: the Field Litter Ambulance, or FLA.

 

 

These trucks are the biggest POS the Army has ever given me (over and over again) the pleasure to work with. First off, I have never seen one that was newer than a 1980's model. And not even a late model, these things are nearly as old as me. Secondly, if I don't have to jump 1 of my 8 FLAs once a week, a miracle has happened. They're falling apart. All of them.

 

Today I gave a class those in the CSH who do not deal with these beasts on the regular: in the pouring rain. They always say, It ain't training if it ain't raining. I try to never utter that sentence, but the rest of my Army counterparts love saying it.

 

It's hard to get people motivated to hoist 200lb people by hand into these vehicles in the pouring rain. I seem to find myself giving these sorts of classes frequently. Somehow in these past 7 years, an invisible stamp has been put on me that will forever link me to this damned vehicle. When do I get my chance to sit in the TREATMENT tent and stay dry or warm or cool? I'm always in the field doing the lifting or sweating or on the fly mechanic work.

 

But I'm really not bitter. I love being in the EVAC family. I always have. We are where the hard work happens and I'm proud of my Soldiers.

 

7 years with the FLA... and I probably have 7 more ahead of me!

Picasso & Me

Living alone when you normally do not live alone is painfully boring. Since James deployed, all I have is Picasso. I mean, really, all I have is this little white dog!

And he's a terrible conversationalist. All he does is want me to throw his toys-- that something he used to only ask James to do. And I most certainly do mean the term ask. Picasso drops his toy on your lap or shoulder and if you ignore it, he repositions it, steps back and stares at you. Like you hadn't noticed the toy soaked with saliva 3 inches from your face. And if you totally refuse to throw it, he chews on it in your lap until you're so disgusted you just throw the toy.

 

Since James is the law in the house, Picasso has lost his mind since he's gone. Picasso no longer thinks he needs to be in his kennel at night. He hides from me when it's bedtime. And if I catch him off guard for bedtime, he looks reluctant and embarrassed. He won't make eye contact with me and I have to shove him into his kennel.

 

It's just Picasso and me for the next 9 months. It's boring. And lonely. But I don't know what I'd do if I didn't at least have my dog.

Short Deployment

James deployed to Afghanistan yesterday. It's a short deployment (just 9 months).

 

 

Even though it's short, it's still James being 9 times zones ahead of me in one of the crappiest and most dangerous parts of the world.

 

Even though it's short, it was incredibly sad to have to say good bye. Especially with all the other Soldier's wives and children crying all around us.

 

Even though it's short, I'm still here alone, wishing I was there fighting the good fight with him.

 

 

Even though it's short, I'm counting down the days until he comes home. Picasso and I miss you, Babe, be safe!!

 

The Black Napkin

James and I went to a fancy steak house in Nashville for dinner tonight called Flemings. We wanted to go out for a stupid expensive meal one last time before he deploys to Afghanistan later this month.

Our previous fine dining experience at Morton's in St. Louis made us wary of strange questions that may be asked of us. I was ready to be asked what kind of water I wanted (our waiter assumed we wanted simple tap water this time). What I was not prepared for was the question the hostess asked us:

"Would you prefer a black napkin?"

I looked at my white napkin that was nicely folded on the table. Then I looked back at her blankly... then I declined, though I wasn't entirely sure why I declined. It just felt like it was the right choice for me.

 

I googled the black napkin option when I got home this evening and it turns out its offered to people who have dark pants on so the pesky white lint on an ordinary white napkin doesn't disburse all over their pants.

Anyhow, we were more educated in fine dining this time, so the napkin was the only curve ball. We had lovely steak dinners and red wine. Flemings comped James' meal since he's deploying (that was a free $50 steak!) and they gave us a free chocolate lava cake desert. How nice of Flemings!

Living in a military town makes you not very special, so when you venture out, and suddenly become special because of military service, sometimes you get free stuff. And you get thanked frequently.

Free steak is always welcome.

 

....I'm not fancy enough to need a black napkin.

ITLS

I'm taking an ITLS class (International Trauma Life Support) in Hawesville, Kentucky. I had never visited redneck Kentucky before now. Its spectacular.

Hawesville is actually so small that you have to leave the town to go to any establishments that may sell something. You have to cross the river and go to Tell City, Indiana. Tell City is the "big city". That means it has a Walmart.

Road construction in Tell City created a detour through the downtown area. These are the signs posted:
 

 

Literally, it's written in finger paint. It actually looked like blood, but I'll give Tell City the benefit of the doubt and call it finger paint. Downtown also had a line dancing hall and a pawn shop. That summed up Tell City's downtown in a nut shell.

I'm glad I was afforded the opportunity to venture into small town Kentucky to go to this class. It's been eye opening-- and made it apparent that Clarksville, Tennessee isn't nearly as redneck as I originally believed it to be. At least our road construction is legit.

The Week Of The Eagles

Happy 70th anniversary of the 101st Airborne Division!

What does that mean to me? Absolutely freaking nothing! I'm one of the few units on Fort Campbell that's NOT part of the 101st Airborne Division. We get excluded from division holidays, division money assets, and kicked off ranges so the 101st can use them. We're their red headed step child.

But you better believe when the 101st comes around asking for some support or assistance we're one of the first to be called on. Gee, thanks screaming eagles. Way to do us a solid.

 

Air Assault School repel tower.

We "got" to run in the division run with the 101st to kick off the Week of the Eagles celebration. We "got" to pull medical coverage for the division review on the parade field. And I personally "got" to pull medical coverage for the Ultimate Air Assault Challenge.

Ultimate Air Assault Challenge: 20k road march in full gear in under 3 hours, the Air Assault Obstacle Course, a 2 mile run, repelling and fast roping off the tower, a "mystery event" and finding deficiencies in cargo pallets to be air lifted. All consecutive events, in the span of 16 hours (yes, my day was from 0200 to 1800).

Lucky me! Thanks 101st for choosing ME to look after your twisted ankles and put Band aids on small cuts. I was exhausted by the end of the day from doing absolutely nothing in the hot sun. I can't imagine what the dudes who competed in the competition felt like! That was a tough series of events.

And no one from the 86th CSH participated... probably because we weren't invited. Except to do details.